Lies every twenty something tells their parents

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"These birth control pills are definitely only for my acne. Seriously, what even is sex? Haha, I have no idea."

1. "Yes, I'll call Grandma this weekend" and not "in four months when I finally remember."

2. "Yes, I'm putting money into my savings and definitely not spending $200 on a handbag." Which is really an investment if you think about it!

3. "Don't worry, I'm only taking this birth control for my acne." Seriously, what even is sex? Haha, I have no idea. But seriously, you guys should just be proud I'm practicing safe sex."

4. "Alcohol? Pffft, I hardly ever drink. Like, ever." Maybe I'll have one drink and even then, I'm like "Whoa guys, time to call it a night!" because I'm just not that much of a drinker and I definitely don't hang around with drunk-ass people either.

5. "I always get eight to nine hours sleep minimum because I know how important it is to get plenty of sleep." I definitely make sure I'm in bed by 10pm so I can fit in a solid eight hours before I have to get up and I'm definitely not up till 1am binge watching Netflix.

6. "I cook all my meals at home and make sure they are healthy and balanced." Of course I don't eat two minute noodles and Maccas for dinner because I'm too lazy to cook after work. That would be madness!

7. "Yes, I visit the doctor and dentist regularly!" Of course I don't wait until that mysterious issue gets really bad before I make an appointment, I'm not made of money!"

8. "Yes, I definitely plan on getting married and having kids soon!" Good lord mum, I just moved in with my boyfriend and we've already bought a dog, isn't that enough commitment for now?

9. "Don't worry, I never walk anywhere by myself at night." I barely even go out so you definitely have nothing to worry about, dad. I'm in bed by 7pm every night in my dressing gown with a cup of tea.

10. "No, I don't sleep in until noon on the weekends." I get up at 6am everyday to go for a run and then I do a yoga class and then I clean the whole house and do my grocery shopping and make a roast lunch and meal prep for the week.

11. "Yes, of course I clean my apartment every week!" If by cleaning you mean giving the benches the occasional wipe and stuffing clutter into drawers and underneath the bed. Out of sight, out of mind!

12. "Of course I'm putting money away into my super." Well, my employer does anyway. Does that still count?"

13. "Yes, I have a pretty good idea of where I want to be in five years time." Somewhere in Europe would be pretty nice.

14. "Sorry I missed your call mum, I was out for a run." And definitely not comatose on the couch with a terrible hangover.

15. "Work is going really well, I love my job so much!" I definitely don't have fantasies about pushing my boss off the edge of a building.

16. "Yep, I exercise all the time!" If by exercise you mean running to the fridge for wine, then I'm basically Kayla Itsines.

17. "Sorry mum, I must have missed your friend request." I'm ignoring it because I don't want you to see my embarrassing highly drunk photos.


emmaduffy01

Emma is just your average book loving, tea drinking, story writing, narcissistic millennial on an eternal quest for the perfect t-shirt. Ever since she picked up her first copy of Dolly when she was twelve, she always knew she wanted to work in magazines. She would describe herself as a bit of a hopeless romantic with an obsession for true crime and horror and a love for red wine, whiskey or a stiff gin and tonic. When she's not binge watching Netflix or buying things she can't afford online, she spends her weekends trawling through bookstores and eating her way through Brisbane.