Dating

Don't give a F**k thanks to the NotSorry method

Hold on, it's not all swearwords and middle fingers. This method is actually life changing.

Unless you've been living under a very comfortable rock for the past five years, you've likely heard of Marie Kondo's extremely popular bestselling book, The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up. But whether you've just heard your friends talk about putting all their socks in the middle of the floor or you've actually read the book, it's probably crossed your path at some point.

The KonMarie method of tidying has been applauded all over the world and is the basis of another popular book, the similarly titled The Life-Changing Magic Of Not Giving A F**k by Sarah Knight. This is a self-help book for the true cynic. Using the NotSorry method, Sarah helps you tidy your f**k drawer instead of your sock drawer.

Sarah theorises that we live with a limited number of f**ks. And when we give them to things we don’t really care about (like useless paperwork, football and Facebook quizzes), it becomes detrimental to our emotional wellbeing. Sarah's book essentially helps you discover what excites you, what you love, and what you should give a f**k about. If it brings you joy, give a f**k about it. If it doesn’t, save that f**k for something more worthwhile.

The basics of the NotSorry method are: putting yourself first, allowing yourself to say no, and releasing yourself from the worry, anxiety, guilt and fear that’s associated with saying no. The first step is to mentally list everything to which you give a f**k about, whether you actually like it or not. Now, go through the list and decide if you really, truly care about it. For example, I give two f**ks about wasting paper and people who don’t make proper use of the recycling bin. However, I don’t give two f**ks about the opinions of strangers and being fake-nice to people I don’t like. Now they go into the aptly named F**k Budget, from the most important to the least. Make sure you consult your F**k Budget whenever the opportunity comes up, and whatever you do – stick to it.

However, the NotSorry method very specifically discusses not turning into an asshole. While it encourages you to put yourself first and do what you want, of course there will be things you need to do, even if you don’t want to. Unfortunately, that’s just part of being a grown up. And while it’s liberating to turn down all those unwanted invitations to events you just don’t care about, don’t get carried away. There’s a difference between being politely honest and brutally honest. If in doubt, err on the side of politeness.

To quote, “A f**k not given is something gained.” So, those three awkward hours you would’ve spent at the office Christmas party trying to avoid overly-enthusiastic hugs from the pimply mailroom guy could instead be spent blissfully watching your cat play with a roll of toilet paper, as long as you delegate your time correctly. When you stop giving your attention to the less important things, you gain more time, energy and money to focus on what truly makes you happy. As Sarah says, “your f**ks affect your body, mind, and soul.” So next time you’re feeling obliged to do or go to something, stop and think, “Do I really give a f**k about it?”

Words: Elizabeth Clinen


Elizabeth Clinen Elizabeth is a young mother, writer and editor living by the beach on the west coast of Australia. An aspiring polyglot, she is currently learning Russian and her life goal is to read War & Peace in its native language. Elizabeth prides herself on her voracious appetite for food and knowledge. She enjoys doing yoga, smelling good and being happy. You can usually find her in the sun, writing, reading or breastfeeding. Sometimes all at once.