Why it's ok to grieve the almost relationship

It's completely natural to grieve failed relationships, but what about the one that got away?

We’ve all heard, and the majority of us have suffered from the heartbreak of splitting up with a partner. It’s a certain type of pain that hurts deeply, especially if you’ve built a life together. You’re reminded of them by the simplest of situations, or if you’re one of the lucky ones, are relieved that the relationship is over.

But what about the relationships that ended before they even properly started? The ones that were so premature that you feel ridiculous for even feeling sad about it ending. While it’s easy for your friends and family around you to say that there’s plenty of other fish in the sea, you can’t help but mourn what could have been.

Here’s why it’s completely ok for you to grieve failed almost-relationships.

1. Is it the person or the feeling you miss?

A new relationship is always exciting. There’s endless possibilities and you love the attention that comes with a sparking romance. So of course it’s natural for you to miss that person once it stops, especially if the reasons as to why things have ended are somewhat unclear. The majority of the time the person has become a part of your routine. You’re used to receiving cute texts from them throughout the day and the occasional phone call at night.

A thought that can help you through this situation is to remind yourself that while you may miss the person, you could equally be missing the feeling of being in a relationship than the person themselves.

2. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do

It’s easy to feel foolish for feeling heartbroken about the relationship that didn’t even completely happen. But just like it’s natural to feel disappointed when your girlfriends ditch your monthly cocktail night, it’s completely ok to feel down about the lost potential of a relationship. But what’s important is that you don’t get angry at yourself for feeling this way. When you get excited about a situation or a person of course you’ll feel upset when things don’t go how you’d hoped.

But what about the relationships that ended before they even properly started?

3. Don’t live in the past

You’ll naturally be left pondering over the littlest of situations that may have led to the relationship not prospering into what you wanted, or fantasise about how things could have been. The truth is that by doing this you’re only making matters worse and prolonging the pain. Keep yourself busy with tasks that will help keep your mind off of things. A quote that always helps is “I like to visit the past but not live in it...”

While you are currently feeling hurt about the failed relationship it’s important that you don’t torture yourself about what could have been.

4. All about the positive vibes

Like any heartbreak, one of our most important tips of advice it to surround yourself with people who love you and make you feel positive. We can’t deny how our best girlfriends seem to possess the power to make you feel better about the one who got away. Their guaranteed sassy remarks about the person in question somehow always seem to make you feel less terrible.

But what about the relationships that ended before they even properly started?

5. Things happen for a reason

As cliché and annoying as it sounds, there are reasons as to why the relationship ended when it did. Perhaps you were both after different things or were at different stages of your lives. We hate to say everything happens for a reason, but for the most part they do. It’s hard at first to look at this situation and see the positives, yet knowing that you may have saved yourself from a lot worse pain down the track can be comforting.

6. Time heals all

Like every heartbreak, with time you’ll feel better. Through acknowledging how you currently feel about the pain you’re allowing yourself to be open to relationships in the future. Allow yourself to heal know that soon you’ll attract the love that you deserve.