Why he is the one you go back to but never the one who commits

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Simply put, it's the toxic drought without him that leaves you in chains.

Time and time again you make excuses for his faults and flaws. You convince yourself that his mistakes are forgivable and you continue to put yourself in situations where you're the one picking up the emotional baggage.

He grips your hips, bites your bottom lip and stares into your eyes and you give up. Nothing else matters except his touch, the feeling of being embraced by the one your body aches for.

It's that blinding feeling that leaves you never satisfied. Like a drug addict, you're on a high when you're with him, and then when you're coming down, it's the withdrawals that hurt the most. It's a vicious cycle that quickly leaves you looking for another hit.

You try to beat the emotional urges but then the lying and dodgy reasoning sets in and once again you're on the verge of doing whatever it takes to get his attention.

You blame your addiction for weakness. But you soon realise that it's the rejection that has you clinging.

The pain and his touch is the perfect, destructive cocktail mix to a broken heart.

A shot of disappointment, a teaspoon of regret, a dash of confusion, a garnish of loneliness and whole lot of shaken-not-stirred, unresolved feelings.

So all in all, it's the toxic drink from hell. It's the worst combination of everything you don't want or deserve, yet it's all you seem to be living for.

Once you get over the needy emotions, you convince yourself that maybe exploring the path of friends may be what you need. But you are quickly brought back to reality when you realise that he is the perfect f*ck buddy that comes with tons of baggage. The baggage you're willing to accept.

It's the overload of lies, the unfiltered promises and the flood of compliments that's everything you want to hear but has zero meaning. The gaze which you think means more but really he's just bored. The urgency in his voice to be with you which simply means he can't wait to get in your pants.

He plays with women - and you keep letting him play with your heart.

You can't decipher the difference between desperation, love and lust.

Which one are you strung up on?

It's the unanswered questions, the what ifs and the maybes that leave you unsatisfied.

Deep down you know that he is what you need to leave in the past. But while you try and figure out how you will cope, you desperately hope he realises what is in front of him. And if he doesn't, you pray that you will be his massive, life long regret.

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