Do you wish you could get along better with your partner? Are misunderstandings and miscommunications affecting the quality of your relationship? How often do you get frustrated when you communicate with your partner?
Here is how you can improve your communication and relationship.
Different Styles
There are four different communication styles and we all use a combination of all four styles. While we have a preference for one or two styles over the rest, so does our partner. This is why it is important to understand any similarities and differences. When our communication preference is different to those around us, misunderstandings and disagreements can occur. By understanding your own and your partner’s styles, and being aware of any differences, you can avoid frustration and disagreements with them.
Below you will find the four different styles, together with tips to assist you to be more effective in communicating with each style.
The Thinker
The thinker likes to analyse, compare and think through things. They like facts and figures, data, research, statistics and proof. Things need to be logical and make sense to the thinker.
To communicate effectively with a partner of this preference, use words like:
- Think
- Understand
- Consider
- Analyse
so that they can make sense out of what you say. Avoid being vague. Be specific, get to the point, and ensure your argument is logical; otherwise what you say may not make sense to them. If you are too vague, they will ask you more questions because they need more information to understand you.
The Feeler
The feeler experiences life mainly through their emotions, they like hugs and touch. Because they are very hands on, they like to do and experience things rather than just be told how it works.
To communicate effectively with a partner of this preference, use words like:
- Feel
- Touch
- Hold
- Connect
so they get a grasp of what you say. Avoid coming across as unfeeling by talking about processes and steps or they may not feel a connection with you. Instead, enjoy shared experiences where you both have fun and good times.
The Talker
The talker likes to talk about problems and experiences, loves speaking on the phone and/or face to face. They are very attuned to sounds and can be easily distracted.
To communicate effectively with a partner of this preference, use words like:
- Talk
- Sounds
- Discuss
- Listen
so they hear what you say. Avoid showing them maps or directions; instead give them verbal instructions and directions so that they can more easily follow these. Avoid interrupting them when they speak as they need to be heard.
The Looker
The looker likes to see things, diagrams, drawings and pictures. They are good at imagining things and being creative. Their own and their environment’s appearance is important to them.
To communicate effectively with a partner of this preference, use words like:
- Look
- Show
- Imagine
- View
so that they see what you are saying. Avoid too many verbal instructions or directions as they will get “lost”, instead show them maps and diagrams for them to see.
Pay attention to the words your partner uses, and then use the same words back when you communicate with them. Notice the greater connection and understanding this leads to, and how it strengthens your relationships with them.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
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