Dating

7 Things to know if your partner has anxiety

Because they're more than their mental illness.

Because they're more than their mental illness.

Anxiety is tough, isn't it? Not just for those who have it, but also for the people who stick with them while they're going through it. It's emotionally taxing for both people, physically demanding at times and mentally demanding most of the time.

Anxiety is hard on you and the people who love you. It's debilitating and affects everyone differently, so it's understandably confusing if you've never experienced it before.

Here are seven things to keep in mind if you're dating someone with anxiety.


They are more than their anxiety

No one wants to be defined by just one attribute of their personality so if you want to be supportive of someone with anxiety, remind them that you appreciate the individual behind their anxiety.

It sounds like common sense, but when it comes to mental health issues, people tend to become blind-sighted. Remember they're still a normal human being with all the complexities everyone else has.

They are well aware their anxiety is often irrational

While we know most of the things we worry about are completely irrational, it doesn't stop the thoughts from racing. It doesn't stop us from thinking about all the possible worst case scenarios. One of the worst things about living with anxiety is how aware we are of the irrationality of our thoughts, but being unable to let go of our worries anyway. So please don't point out that our anxieties are irrational - we know. We need compassion, understanding and support.

Its relentless

Doing normal things like shopping for groceries or getting a haircut don't come easily to people with anxiety. Its normal for us to suddenly be overcome with self-consciousness while out in public and spend the whole time worrying that people are looking at us and judging us. Living with anxiety can be relentless and debilitating and the last thing we need is for you to tell us to just "get over it".

Because they're more than their mental illness.

They can get tired and overwhelmed easily

Anxiety is exhausting. Anxiety causes people to live in hyper-tense states - we're always on alert, our minds are rarely settled and our body is often in fight or flight mode. And with that hypertension comes fatigue.

Change is difficult

Everyone has a comfort zone and when you live with anxiety, pushing outside of that is challenging, to say the least. This isn't to say we dislike change or getting outside of our comfort zones - we just find it more difficult to bring ourselves to do so.

The one relief we get from our anxiety is when we're allowed to be in our place of comfort with nothing major changing. When we're faced with big changes, it takes us a lot longer to settle down and establish our comfort zone again.

Anxious people aren't negative

It might seem like we're always pessimistic or a Debbie downer because we're always thinking about the worst outcome of a situation, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're negative people. We don't mean to focus on the bad, it's just part of our anxiety.

They appreciate you sticking by them

Anxiety is hard on everyone involved, including the people who support us. We understand that and we're definitely not oblivious as to what it takes to support us sometimes. If there's one thing you'll find in common across the board for people with anxiety is that they over think - they over think a lot. And part of this over thinking comes back to people who have supported us. Your support never goes unmissed, no matter how subtle you may think it's been.


emmaduffy01

Emma is just your average book loving, tea drinking, story writing, narcissistic millennial on an eternal quest for the perfect t-shirt. Ever since she picked up her first copy of Dolly when she was twelve, she always knew she wanted to work in magazines. She would describe herself as a bit of a hopeless romantic with an obsession for true crime and horror and a love for red wine, whiskey or a stiff gin and tonic. When she's not binge watching Netflix or buying things she can't afford online, she spends her weekends trawling through bookstores and eating her way through Brisbane.

 

Men decoded: why do guys send nudes?

Uh... thanks?

whynudes01

One of the most baffling questions we ask ourselves is why do men feel the need to send nude pics? Especially the unsolicited ones?

After asking some male friends and a little internet research (not recommended), we’ve been able to come up with some answers.


They think it’s hot

The most common answer I found was that guys think it’s hot. In their minds they love receiving your sexy photos so why wouldn’t you want a sneaky view in return? They also like the thrill of receiving positive responses from you.

via GIPHY

They like their bodies and want to show it off

These are usually the guys who spend plenty of time in the gym. The ones you see on Instagram and Tinder with their shirts off and flexing muscles.

They get bored

The conversation starts to get lacking and they think that a nude pic will restart that flame. Or they just want a reaction- either way silence on your end is not what they are after.

They see it as a numbers game

The guys who send nude pics sometimes see it as a numbers game, send enough pics and eventually someone is likely to return the favour. Apparently it’s a not so subtle way to ask for some photos in return. Really guys?

So apparently the reasoning behind these photos aren’t intentionally meant to make women cringe, but they aren’t super considerate either. This one though tops them all.

It cuts to the chase

This was an actual quote from a guy. He says that when he starts talking to a girl he will send a photo to make himself clear- he’s after one thing only. In his opinion, if you’re on Tinder, or any dating app, exchanging picture messages should be expected.

via GIPHY

Well then... Men are, clearly, very visual creatures and love receiving nude photos but you need to ask before sending any sort of picture. We don’t appreciate the crude photos while at any time of the day. Unless it’s asked for- just don’t.

Nude photos are never going to become the new selfie!

Words: Jade Byers-Pointer

Relationships 101: 3 ways to master dating in 2017

Tinder is so 2016.

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Gone, apparently, are the days of meeting a guy at the bar or coffee shop. Those perfect movie meet-cutes are even more unrealistic now than they were a few years ago.

Instead, 2017 dating involves apps, weird online banter and a low investment. Keeping up with the ever changing rules is hard but we’ve put together a guide to help you.

Let’s get app-y

Tinder is so 2016. Now apps are more selective. Rather than just shooting in the dark and hoping for the best, apps are being more particular about the options that they present to you. The biggest decider when choosing what dating app to use is personal preference. Bumble is all about women making the first move, while happn shows you the profiles of those that you cross paths with regularly in real life. No matter what app you choose, online dating will provide you with a pool of potentials.

Keep an open-mind

The key to successful dating in 2017 is to keep an open mind. Online dating allows for snap judgments. Deciding whether to swipe right based only on photo’s means that it is very easy to get lost in shallow thoughts. Remember that people are made up of more than the second it takes to snap a photo. Read the bio, open a conversation and give people a chance.

Let’s ‘hang’

Dating now no longer involves going on actual dates. Instead, people are opting to ‘hang out’. The idea behind this is that there is less commitment when hanging out with someone. The meeting is casual and with less pressure. Actual dates in 2017 are full of expectations and pressure so why not just avoid it?

Other dating terms you need to be aware of for 2017

Breadcrumbing- when someone gives just enough attention to keep you interested but has no plans on commitment anytime soon.

Ghosting- when someone disappears suddenly. It’s their not-so-subtle way of saying they aren’t interested.

Keeping up with all the terms and rules can be exhausting. And maybe one day people will tire of dating apps, dead end conversations and ghosting, but for now this is the dating landscape we are in so let’s embrace it!

Words: Jade Byers-Pointer

12 signs he only wants you in the bedroom

12 signs he only wants you for one thing...

onlysex01

When you meet a guy who’s charismatic, the conversation is flirty and he’s just so sexy, it can be difficult to break out of the spell and notice the reality for what your relationship truly is. Does your new man actually want to move things into serious territory, or are you just his “thing”? We get it, perhaps we’re just immune to fice guy tendencies, but sometimes finding the difference between the f*boys and the genuine men can be a tricky feat.

If you’re questioning what your new flame’s intentions are, or say yes to more than 3 of the below tips, chances are he only wants you for sex and not to get to know you.


1. He’s overly eager to continually give you compliments on your physical appearance

Compliments here and there is always appreciated. We mean who doesn’t want to be worshiped for how hard they’ve been squatting at the gym to build their booty? But if he’s continually telling you how hot you are and never taking notice of your other attributes- like your witty sense of humour or quick intelligence, then there’s a chance he only wants one thing...

2. He’s never taken you on a real date

Going halves in the after-rendezvous pizza does not count! Whenever the d-word (no, not the one he wishes) comes up he’s always tied up with work or suddenly has a super urgent thing to do once the bedroom antics are over.

3. He takes his sweet time replying to you...

And this just leads to the vicious cycle of deciding once he finally replies that you’ll leave him on read for 2 hours... even though it always ends up being more like 2 seconds.

4. ...And when you do hear from him it’s late night texts and eggplant emojis

Attention all f*boys, the eggplant emoji does not do for us what you think it does! If he’s sending you 1am texts saying “wyd” (we mean, not even a complete sentence) then there’s a high chance he only wants a naughty night time visit.

5. He acts super shady about his friends and doesn’t add you on social media

Your flame never wants to introduce you to his inner circle and always acts a little sus whenever you mention his friends. Don’t even get us started on the sheer mention of adding him on social media! He’s always going on about how he’s against Facebook, yet funny how his phone always seems to be blowing up when you’re together, right?

6. He actively talks about other girls around you

He’s always talking about his ex, the hot girls he saw at the strip club and his celeb crush. Perhaps you always hear that Tinder message ding go off his phone whenever you see him? Yep, chances are he’s just in it for the sex and not to get to know you.

7. He doesn’t care about issues that are bothering you

So how does my rant about my annoying housemate make you feel so horny..?

8. He calls you bro

Ahh, there’s nothing more romantic than being called bro after a steamy endeavour, right? *shudder*

9. Netflix & literally just chill is never a thing

You’re 3 minutes in on the latest ep of Riverdale and he’s already making his move.

10. He always bails when you organise to do something

We mean, how many last-minute 7pm business meetings can one man have?!

11. He only wants to go back to his

Whenever you do manage to convince him to meet you out, you’re only a few drinks in before he insist you take things back to his.

12. He just wants to get you out

So you had a super steamy and sexy moment, but you don’t even have a chance to catch your breath before he’s rounding up all of your belongings and hustling you out the door.

A few of these all too familar? It's time to say "boy, bye!"

Relationship green flags that prove they're a keeper

#lovegoals

lovegoals

When you first start dating someone, it's pretty hard to resist the urge to switch on your 'red flag radar' and search for behaviours and character traits you just won't tolerate.

Obviously this is important - but so are the 'green flags'. When you're so busy focusing on what's not quite right (your date is a mad footy fan and you haaaaate sport) the subtle yet very positive signs can easily slip by unnoticed - and often, they're the ones that really matter.

Here are a few green flags to look out for.


They have a good relationship with their mum and sister

If you want to know how a guy will treat you in a relationship, play close attention to the way he treats his mum.

They don't try and change you

Your partner should love you exactly the way you are.

They send thoughtful texts

It may not seem like much, but sometimes a cute "Good morning" or "Thinking of you" message can go a really long way.

... and do thoughtful things, just because

It doesn't need to be an overly grand gesture like a bouquet of flowers either (although I'll never turn that down!). A few weeks ago I ordered my boyfriend a dessert off UberEats and sent it to his apartment when I knew he'd had a bad day at work.

They'll go out of their way to cheer you up

It could be giving you a massage after a stressful day at work or cooking your favourite meal. Whatever it is, it's a good sign.

They share your biggest values

There's nothing more attractive than a guy who's a feminist, supports gay marriage and whatever other values that are important to you.

You have similar lifestyles

If you're an active chick who loves eating healthy and working out and your partner is a couch potato who eats nothing but fast food? Yeah, that's probably not going to work in the long run. If you two share similar lifestyles, then that's a massive green flag.

They know your dreams and goals

And consider them just as important as their own.

They're kind to people in the service industry

Do you really want to spend your time with someone who's inexplicably rude to the teenager packing your groceries (and probably doing so for minimum wage)? Yeah, didn't think so.

They're committed to helping you become a better person and vice versa

Good couples should push each other to become the best versions of themselves. If your partner is open to bettering themselves and pushing you to become the best person you can be, then they're a keeper.

They're independent and have their own life

We're all guilty of being needy and a little clingy from time to time, but if your partner is constantly seeking your attention and needs to be with you ALL. THE. TIME that isn't a healthy relationship. If your partner has their own life/identity and can understand that just as they need some alone time, their partner does too, you're onto a winner.

They always make you a priority

Your partner should always put you and your needs above anyone else's and you should feel that you can always rely on them to be there for you when you need them.


emmaduffy01

Emma is just your average book loving, tea drinking, story writing, narcissistic millennial on an eternal quest for the perfect t-shirt. Ever since she picked up her first copy of Dolly when she was twelve, she always knew she wanted to work in magazines. She would describe herself as a bit of a hopeless romantic with an obsession for true crime and horror and a love for red wine, whiskey or a stiff gin and tonic. When she's not binge watching Netflix or buying things she can't afford online, she spends her weekends trawling through bookstores and eating her way through Brisbane.

 

7 Things he should never say on the first date

Written by

These are major first date red flags.

These are major first date red flags

Did you know that when a guy talks a lot on a first date, it means he likes you? Yes, when a guy yaps away without giving you room to speak, he’s actually trying to impress you. It’s his way of ‘peacocking’.

Should the date not be a total disaster, we may give him the benefit of the doubt and wait until date 2 or 3 to see if he was nervously over-talking or if he is just self-absorbed.

But in the meantime, while he’s deep in solo conversation, take the opportunity to listen. He may slip up on a few topics with his over-sharing. Should he cover near to all 7 of the below red flags of things he should never say on a first date – run for the hills.

Female friends

“I have more female friends than male friends.”

This statement alone is the total turn off. When we’re dating a guy, the last thing we want to be worrying about is the large group of females he’s hanging out with on the regular. We’re also thinking about how many of them he’s welcomed into his bed. Even if it’s none, we’re thinking about it.

Career bragging

We’re all for a successful man, but someone that keeps talking and bragging about their career isn’t sexy. Bring in the money baby but do it humbly. We all have to work and your job isn’t ‘more’ important than ours.

Past drunken stories

This one is a major red flag of maturity. We’ve all met the one guy who can only talk about his reckless nights out. For him, his biggest accomplishment is how much he drank, how wasted he got, how wrecked he was the day after and all the crazy things he did that he can’t remember. Yeah, major turn off.

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Money

Why do men feel the need to talk about money on a first date? They might mention how much they’re earning, the outstanding debt left on their car repayments or weekly rent. On a first date, it’s nobody’s business to know the financial situation of either party. Discuss those details at another time, like date 5 or 10. If they think this topic will impress us, it won’t. It’s annoying more than anything.

Hookers or strip clubs

Talking and sharing the details about their last venture at the strip club or with a hooker is the least of your concern. It’s not exactly screaming boyfriend material and not something we want to hear or know. What he does as a single guy is his business, but right now he is here with you so he should be acting like a gentleman.

Exes

STOP. Exes and past relationships should be kept off the table. There is no need for him to open that door and spill out raw emotions or discuss how awful or wonderful she was. Again, how is this going to make us feel?

Social media stalking

“According to your Instagram and Snapchat Story, you had a wild time last night.”

Creepy much? Social media stalking is a no, no. We’ve all been victim to online ‘research’ but inevitably, let’s keep it on the low. No need know that your date has been checking in on you the very minute you make an update. Simply put, it’s uncomfortable.