He’s hot, funny, smart and seems like the perfect date. You want to get to take things to a deeper level but how can you tell if he wants you or if he just wants you out of your clothes?
He only notices your looks
While it is nice for someone to think you look great, it’s even better when he can also appreciate what’s inside your head as well. Guys who are actually interested in you will compliment you on everything from your manicured nails to your intelligence.
He doesn’t want to ‘date’ you
Dates are for men who want relationships, not for people like him. At the most you might get invited to watch a movie or listen to music- at his house, in his room, with a bed very close by. If you decide you actually want to watch the movie he will suddenly be super tired and will ask you to leave.
He only ever sends you sexual messages asking you to come over
All contact with him has a way of turning sexual quickly. You can tell a lot about a person by his communication skills. The men who are only interested in sex will have a way of turning even the most innocent conversation into something flirty and sexual.
He doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends or family
If he really wanted to make you a part of his life he would definitely introduce you to his friends. By not introducing you, he can easily move on without questions from anyone on his end.
He’s shady AF when it comes to details about his life
The same with meeting his friends and family, the less information he gives you the easier it is for him to play the phantom. When you know almost nothing about him, he can disappear into the night like the ghost he is.
He doesn’t know anything about you
Again- the same logic applies here. The less he asks about you, the less he has to deal with the messiness that comes along with relationships.
If no strings attached is what you want from the guy you’re seeing- great- you’ve found yourself the perfect man. But remember that you are worth more than a booty call or a late night quickie. You deserve a man willing to deal with morning after and messiness.
Do you get frustrated or upset when your partner clams up and runs to their “cave” to be alone? Is your partner’s silence and desire to be alone affecting your relationship?
The Cave and The Field
Regardless of gender, generation or cultural background, when faced with a challenge some people prefer a quiet space to think, reflect on and to work through the challenge. They go into the metaphorical cave to be alone. Other people like to work through their challenges by talking about them with their partner and getting the other person’s input. They stay in the metaphorical open field and share their challenges with their partner. Some people even alternate between the cave and the field depending on the challenge they face.
Please talk to me
In a relationship there can be challenges when two partners have a different preference. One partner will want to talk about the issue (the partner with a field preference), while the other partner will want to think about the issue on their own (the partner with the cave preference).
The partner with the field preference may feel left out, rejected or hurt because the partner with the cave preference does not open up and talk to them about a problem. As a result, the filed partner may run after their significant other and want to follow them into their cave. This will upset the partner with a cave preference and will have them go deeper into their space.
Another frustration for the partner with a field preference is that they will usually notice when there is something concerning the partner with the cave preference. They will notice this before their partner realises something is concerning them because the partner with the cave preference has not yet had the opportunity to reflect and realise that there is an issue.
To further add to the frustration of the partner with a field preference, when the partner with the cave preference comes out of their cave, the partner with the field preference will want to know all about the issue. However, the partner with the cave preference will have dealt with the issue and will have nothing to say to their partner.
Meeting half way
An easy way to end both partners’ frustration is for both partners to identify and respect the different preferences and then to meet each other half way as follows.
The partner with the field preference needs to allow the partner with the cave preference the space to deal with issues in their way, and give them the time to fulfil their need to think about the challenge on their own first. Avoid “pouncing” on the partner with the cave preference when they come out of their cave. The former needs to respectfully and gently check that the latter is fine about the challenge.
Meanwhile, the partner with the cave preference needs to let the partner with the field preference know that they have a challenge to think about and that they are about to go into their cave so that the other partner avoids worrying, and can respect their need to be alone. They must at least have an overview of the issue and assure them that all is well when they come out of their cave.
So how do you get your partner out of their cave? Allow them the time and space to reflect on challenges. The sooner they go into their cave, the sooner they have time to think about things and come out afresh. By understanding the differences and respecting each others’ needs, partners of different preferences can get along more easily and develop an even more fulfilling and lasting relationship with each other.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
Dating is HARD, right? Even with the addition of apps like Tinder where you literally swipe to indicate interest, the modern dating scene can feel like a minefield. What does this text mean? He cancelled our date, does he really want to reschedule? WHAT DO I WEAR? It feels like there are all these rules, most of which are total BS, so how does the modern woman survive dating? We have some tips.
Dating isn’t a game
If it feels like your potential bae is trying to play games, abort mission. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will not mess with your mind or make you second-guess their intentions.
At first it’s normal to talk about his high-flying job – you did the general exchange of what you do for a living, et cetera. But if he seems to be constantly talking about all the things he can afford because of his fancy career, or how you should see his nice car, or how he’s going to take you to expensive restaurants, he is using his wealth to try to impress you. It shows insecurity, but also that he thinks women want guys for their money! Nuh uh honey.
Sure, if you aren’t exclusive or looking for anything serious, he might be seeing other people. But to constantly make this known and point out that you aren’t his only girl is rude and disrespectful. Get outta there girl! “Play it cool” is BAD advice!
Gone are the days of playing hard to get. Pretending you aren’t that interested so you don’t appear too eager is so high school. If someone is genuinely keen on beginning a relationship, admitting you have feelings for them won’t scare them off! Anyone who is scared off by that isn’t worth your time.
Don’t put up with it
The most important rule of modern dating: do not put up with anything less than what you deserve! Demand to be treated right and the good guys will stick around. Don’t make excuses for his bad behaviour. Life is too short to put up with f*ckboys and mind games! #slaymamaslay
Hanna Sloan is studying a Creative and Professional Writing degree at QUT. She grew up wanting to be either a writer or a professional dancer, or both. Nothing has changed. She is passionate about performance, fashion, and social progress, and is a confirmed #NastyWoman. Hanna is the proud curator of a shoe collection surpassing sixty pairs, and always thought Andie Anderson in 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' was crazy for not wanting to write about shoes for a living. In her spare time Hanna can be found devouring a book or magazine, watching 'Friends' or asking her parents for Snapchats of the family’s two beagles.
Anxiety is tough, isn't it? Not just for those who have it, but also for the people who stick with them while they're going through it. It's emotionally taxing for both people, physically demanding at times and mentally demanding most of the time.
Anxiety is hard on you and the people who love you. It's debilitating and affects everyone differently, so it's understandably confusing if you've never experienced it before.
Here are seven things to keep in mind if you're dating someone with anxiety.
They are more than their anxiety
No one wants to be defined by just one attribute of their personality so if you want to be supportive of someone with anxiety, remind them that you appreciate the individual behind their anxiety.
It sounds like common sense, but when it comes to mental health issues, people tend to become blind-sighted. Remember they're still a normal human being with all the complexities everyone else has.
They are well aware their anxiety is often irrational
While we know most of the things we worry about are completely irrational, it doesn't stop the thoughts from racing. It doesn't stop us from thinking about all the possible worst case scenarios. One of the worst things about living with anxiety is how aware we are of the irrationality of our thoughts, but being unable to let go of our worries anyway. So please don't point out that our anxieties are irrational - we know. We need compassion, understanding and support.
Doing normal things like shopping for groceries or getting a haircut don't come easily to people with anxiety. Its normal for us to suddenly be overcome with self-consciousness while out in public and spend the whole time worrying that people are looking at us and judging us. Living with anxiety can be relentless and debilitating and the last thing we need is for you to tell us to just "get over it".
They can get tired and overwhelmed easily
Anxiety is exhausting. Anxiety causes people to live in hyper-tense states - we're always on alert, our minds are rarely settled and our body is often in fight or flight mode. And with that hypertension comes fatigue.
Change is difficult
Everyone has a comfort zone and when you live with anxiety, pushing outside of that is challenging, to say the least. This isn't to say we dislike change or getting outside of our comfort zones - we just find it more difficult to bring ourselves to do so.
The one relief we get from our anxiety is when we're allowed to be in our place of comfort with nothing major changing. When we're faced with big changes, it takes us a lot longer to settle down and establish our comfort zone again.
Anxious people aren't negative
It might seem like we're always pessimistic or a Debbie downer because we're always thinking about the worst outcome of a situation, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're negative people. We don't mean to focus on the bad, it's just part of our anxiety.
They appreciate you sticking by them
Anxiety is hard on everyone involved, including the people who support us. We understand that and we're definitely not oblivious as to what it takes to support us sometimes. If there's one thing you'll find in common across the board for people with anxiety is that they over think - they over think a lot. And part of this over thinking comes back to people who have supported us. Your support never goes unmissed, no matter how subtle you may think it's been.
Emma is just your average book loving, tea drinking, story writing, narcissistic millennial on an eternal quest for the perfect t-shirt. Ever since she picked up her first copy of Dolly when she was twelve, she always knew she wanted to work in magazines. She would describe herself as a bit of a hopeless romantic with an obsession for true crime and horror and a love for red wine, whiskey or a stiff gin and tonic. When she's not binge watching Netflix or buying things she can't afford online, she spends her weekends trawling through bookstores and eating her way through Brisbane.
One of the most baffling questions we ask ourselves is why do men feel the need to send nude pics? Especially the unsolicited ones?
After asking some male friends and a little internet research (not recommended), we’ve been able to come up with some answers.
They think it’s hot
The most common answer I found was that guys think it’s hot. In their minds they love receiving your sexy photos so why wouldn’t you want a sneaky view in return? They also like the thrill of receiving positive responses from you.
These are usually the guys who spend plenty of time in the gym. The ones you see on Instagram and Tinder with their shirts off and flexing muscles.
They get bored
The conversation starts to get lacking and they think that a nude pic will restart that flame. Or they just want a reaction- either way silence on your end is not what they are after.
They see it as a numbers game
The guys who send nude pics sometimes see it as a numbers game, send enough pics and eventually someone is likely to return the favour. Apparently it’s a not so subtle way to ask for some photos in return. Really guys?
So apparently the reasoning behind these photos aren’t intentionally meant to make women cringe, but they aren’t super considerate either. This one though tops them all.
It cuts to the chase
This was an actual quote from a guy. He says that when he starts talking to a girl he will send a photo to make himself clear- he’s after one thing only. In his opinion, if you’re on Tinder, or any dating app, exchanging picture messages should be expected.
Well then... Men are, clearly, very visual creatures and love receiving nude photos but you need to ask before sending any sort of picture. We don’t appreciate the crude photos while at any time of the day. Unless it’s asked for- just don’t.
Nude photos are never going to become the new selfie!
Gone, apparently, are the days of meeting a guy at the bar or coffee shop. Those perfect movie meet-cutes are even more unrealistic now than they were a few years ago.
Instead, 2017 dating involves apps, weird online banter and a low investment. Keeping up with the ever changing rules is hard but we’ve put together a guide to help you.
Let’s get app-y
Tinder is so 2016. Now apps are more selective. Rather than just shooting in the dark and hoping for the best, apps are being more particular about the options that they present to you. The biggest decider when choosing what dating app to use is personal preference. Bumble is all about women making the first move, while happn shows you the profiles of those that you cross paths with regularly in real life. No matter what app you choose, online dating will provide you with a pool of potentials.
Keep an open-mind
The key to successful dating in 2017 is to keep an open mind. Online dating allows for snap judgments. Deciding whether to swipe right based only on photo’s means that it is very easy to get lost in shallow thoughts. Remember that people are made up of more than the second it takes to snap a photo. Read the bio, open a conversation and give people a chance.
Dating now no longer involves going on actual dates. Instead, people are opting to ‘hang out’. The idea behind this is that there is less commitment when hanging out with someone. The meeting is casual and with less pressure. Actual dates in 2017 are full of expectations and pressure so why not just avoid it?
Other dating terms you need to be aware of for 2017
Breadcrumbing- when someone gives just enough attention to keep you interested but has no plans on commitment anytime soon.
Ghosting- when someone disappears suddenly. It’s their not-so-subtle way of saying they aren’t interested.
Keeping up with all the terms and rules can be exhausting. And maybe one day people will tire of dating apps, dead end conversations and ghosting, but for now this is the dating landscape we are in so let’s embrace it!
When you meet a guy who’s charismatic, the conversation is flirty and he’s just so sexy, it can be difficult to break out of the spell and notice the reality for what your relationship truly is. Does your new man actually want to move things into serious territory, or are you just his “thing”? We get it, perhaps we’re just immune to fice guy tendencies, but sometimes finding the difference between the f*boys and the genuine men can be a tricky feat.
If you’re questioning what your new flame’s intentions are, or say yes to more than 3 of the below tips, chances are he only wants you for sex and not to get to know you.
1. He’s overly eager to continually give you compliments on your physical appearance
Compliments here and there is always appreciated. We mean who doesn’t want to be worshiped for how hard they’ve been squatting at the gym to build their booty? But if he’s continually telling you how hot you are and never taking notice of your other attributes- like your witty sense of humour or quick intelligence, then there’s a chance he only wants one thing...
2. He’s never taken you on a real date
Going halves in the after-rendezvous pizza does not count! Whenever the d-word (no, not the one he wishes) comes up he’s always tied up with work or suddenly has a super urgent thing to do once the bedroom antics are over.
3. He takes his sweet time replying to you...
And this just leads to the vicious cycle of deciding once he finally replies that you’ll leave him on read for 2 hours... even though it always ends up being more like 2 seconds.
4. ...And when you do hear from him it’s late night texts and eggplant emojis
Attention all f*boys, the eggplant emoji does not do for us what you think it does! If he’s sending you 1am texts saying “wyd” (we mean, not even a complete sentence) then there’s a high chance he only wants a naughty night time visit.
5. He acts super shady about his friends and doesn’t add you on social media
Your flame never wants to introduce you to his inner circle and always acts a little sus whenever you mention his friends. Don’t even get us started on the sheer mention of adding him on social media! He’s always going on about how he’s against Facebook, yet funny how his phone always seems to be blowing up when you’re together, right?
6. He actively talks about other girls around you
He’s always talking about his ex, the hot girls he saw at the strip club and his celeb crush. Perhaps you always hear that Tinder message ding go off his phone whenever you see him? Yep, chances are he’s just in it for the sex and not to get to know you.
7. He doesn’t care about issues that are bothering you
So how does my rant about my annoying housemate make you feel so horny..?
8. He calls you bro
Ahh, there’s nothing more romantic than being called bro after a steamy endeavour, right? *shudder*
9. Netflix & literally just chill is never a thing
You’re 3 minutes in on the latest ep of Riverdale and he’s already making his move.
10. He always bails when you organise to do something
We mean, how many last-minute 7pm business meetings can one man have?!
11. He only wants to go back to his
Whenever you do manage to convince him to meet you out, you’re only a few drinks in before he insist you take things back to his.
12. He just wants to get you out
So you had a super steamy and sexy moment, but you don’t even have a chance to catch your breath before he’s rounding up all of your belongings and hustling you out the door.
A few of these all too familar? It's time to say "boy, bye!"