Dating

Why he is the one you go back to but never the one who commits

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NeverCommits02

Simply put, it's the toxic drought without him that leaves you in chains.

Time and time again you make excuses for his faults and flaws. You convince yourself that his mistakes are forgivable and you continue to put yourself in situations where you're the one picking up the emotional baggage.

He grips your hips, bites your bottom lip and stares into your eyes and you give up. Nothing else matters except his touch, the feeling of being embraced by the one your body aches for.

It's that blinding feeling that leaves you never satisfied. Like a drug addict, you're on a high when you're with him, and then when you're coming down, it's the withdrawals that hurt the most. It's a vicious cycle that quickly leaves you looking for another hit.

You try to beat the emotional urges but then the lying and dodgy reasoning sets in and once again you're on the verge of doing whatever it takes to get his attention.

You blame your addiction for weakness. But you soon realise that it's the rejection that has you clinging.

The pain and his touch is the perfect, destructive cocktail mix to a broken heart.

A shot of disappointment, a teaspoon of regret, a dash of confusion, a garnish of loneliness and whole lot of shaken-not-stirred, unresolved feelings.

So all in all, it's the toxic drink from hell. It's the worst combination of everything you don't want or deserve, yet it's all you seem to be living for.

Once you get over the needy emotions, you convince yourself that maybe exploring the path of friends may be what you need. But you are quickly brought back to reality when you realise that he is the perfect f*ck buddy that comes with tons of baggage. The baggage you're willing to accept.

It's the overload of lies, the unfiltered promises and the flood of compliments that's everything you want to hear but has zero meaning. The gaze which you think means more but really he's just bored. The urgency in his voice to be with you which simply means he can't wait to get in your pants.

He plays with women - and you keep letting him play with your heart.

You can't decipher the difference between desperation, love and lust.

Which one are you strung up on?

It's the unanswered questions, the what ifs and the maybes that leave you unsatisfied.

Deep down you know that he is what you need to leave in the past. But while you try and figure out how you will cope, you desperately hope he realises what is in front of him. And if he doesn't, you pray that you will be his massive, life long regret.

Image Source: Tumblr

How to lose a guy in 10 days: The Modern Edition

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10DaysLoseAGuy02

Little introduction is needed. Basically, these are the things you don't want to do when dating. In the crazed, social media world we live in, it's easy to get caught up with apps and technology. Being highly present online rather than in the moment is a major do-not when starting a new relationship.

So thanks to Kate Hudson from 'How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days,' we have a modern edition to losing a guy in 2015.

1. Send him a tweet asking if he could go on a juice cleanse with you for 7 days then hashtag #lovehim #relationshipgoals #healthycouple.

2. Always Facetime him so you can see where he is and what he is doing.

3. Periscope your date nights so all your friends can see what you're wearing.

4. Request him on LinkedIn and then question him about his life goals and job placements.

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5. Ask him to take 30-50 selfies with you on every date. You want to capture those memories.

6. Dedicate a lovey-dovey Dubsmash video to him and share it on all social media platforms.

7. Add all of his friends and family on Facebook and create a group so you can spam them with couple selfies.

8. Book him an Uber on his lunch break so he can meet you at the doctor surgery. (It's all about that moral support)

9. Send him 35 messages on WhatsApp about how much you miss him and can't wait to see him again.

10. When he doesn't answer your phone calls, text him the entire range of sad face and crying emojis. Wait a few minutes and then send him photo of you downloading Tinder.

11. Make your relationship Facebook official without telling him.

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12. Instagram stalk his ex, then post a quote which is clearly directed at her and then accidentally tag her and him.

13. Snapchat him a picture of your engagement ring. Just as a hint in-case he is feeling spontaneous.

14. Show him your extensive Pinterest boards of your inspiration for your dream wedding.

15. When he doesn't answer your call, phone him again, then send him a Facebook message, tweet, Snapchat, text, and finally an email. You have to cover all basis...

7 things a woman thinks when your friend moves in on your ex

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So imagine this, you've fallen for the guy of your dreams and within a year it blows up in your face and you're left with a broken heart.

While you're trying to recover and survive from the toxic shock, your friend decides to pull a sneaky and spitefully hurts you for her benefit.

The guy you fell for, who you loved and cared for, is being subtly moved in on by your best friend.

Her conniving ways are purposefully organised in a sequence to break your heart.

No one can date a friend's ex without there being major consequences.

So on that note, here's 7 things every woman thinks when she hears her best friend is moving in on her ex.

1. I don't care.
(Currently putting all your energy into looking like you don't give a f#ck.)

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2. You really want to play this game? I am so much crazier than you.
(Currently trying to look like you have a plan, even though you're having a total mind blank)

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3. I don't understand why you would do this.
(Currently trying to act civil by simply asking the obvious)

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4. Oh, you can't understand why I'm upset?
(Currently fuming on the inside)

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5. You start to question your entire friendship.
(Currently processing who could be your next BFF)

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6. Realising that this relationship is broken beyond repair.
(Currently having an epiphany that you deserve better in a friendship)

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7. Choosing to not be affected.
(Currently displaying enough enthusiasm to look like you don't have time for this)

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4 things a woman thinks when her ex finds another lover

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4ThingsThinksEx01

No matter how strong, fierce and independent you are, nothing cuts deeper than seeing the one you care about swooning over someone who in your mind does not deserve his affection or attention.

Falling in love, being emotionally vulnerable and letting down your walls so he could touch the real you takes guts. Obviously, after he has probed and imprinted your heart in ways you never thought were possible, it comes as no surprise how broken that can leave you.

So the feelings are still there, your eyes literally light up when you see him, but that's quickly covered by a cloud of insecurity which is provoked by a million and one questions by your subconscious.

Is he looking at me? Does he remember what we were like? Can he feel what I'm feeling?

Then the next wave of emotions hit and you remember all the reasons why you exited the unhealthy relationship.

So all of that seems normal when having to deal with an aching heart. But the part that kills is when that insecurity is turned into a flaming fire of jealously because he has a new woman to entertain him and his needs.

Right now, all you're doing is sorting out your feelings and trying to get into the right headspace. But then your hit with the news that he has a new boo thang that he's spooning every night. Assuming that he is still in your circle of friends, how are you meant to survive when you see his hand is gripping her thigh? Or when he whispers in her ear and she starts to giggle and you feel like vomiting? Are you supposed to be okay with this? Is it even possible to be civil in those overwhelmingly, complicated moments?

So it's in that exact second, reality hits and you start to crumble beyond belief. All of a sudden you realise you are still in love with him and now you can't have what you desperately want.

So here's 4 things every woman thinks when they see their ex with her.

She's the road block to the one you can't get over

Immediately you start sizing her up and comparing yourself to her. Surely, she can't be giving him what you gave or fulfilling him the way you did. Oh, of course they're in the honeymoon stage right now, but what happens when sh*t gets real. Either way, he's blinded by his new love and that's the road block. Because of her, he can't see you.

Is something wrong with me?

Why is this hurting a lot more than I thought it would? Though you may feel like you are alone on the single island, your new happiness won't be far away. Sometimes it is about exploring to see what's installed for you and your heart.

Do I want the past back?

Just because you're reminiscing on the past and those warm fuzzy feelings fill your stomach, does not mean that you suddenly want the past back. Maybe your questioning your decision and self-loathing seeps in, but seriously, calm down, you're allowed to be human.

How will I forget about you?

You make these promises to yourself: "I will not stalk your Facebook profile. I will fight the urge to text you. I will not get drunk and ruin my night by crying over you. I will throw out that necklace you gave me. I will never listen to our song again and I refuse to eat at our favourite restaurant."

But instead of being so tough on your heart, just be you! Enjoy who you are. The pain means you're alive. Heart breaks are part of the journey and in the meantime, keep working on doing fine without him.

You never know, you might find your new lover soon enough and he might be the one reading this ... Oh, now that's ironic.

11 crazy rules and thoughts we women have when we start dating

So you’ve finally decided to stop being a single pringle and you’re going to give this dating thing a go. Here’s some unsaid dating rules and thoughts that we all seem to have when we start dating again.

1. It takes a solid week to come up with the perfect outfit for your first date (your poor housemates will be grateful the second you step out that door).

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2. You buy a sexy set of lingerie for the first date (for your own self confidence of course).

3. Regardless of all previous dating rules, you don’t have to get the salad.

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4. Chivalry isn’t dead- the guy can still pay for the meal (we’re not afraid to admit we like it).

5. Do you wait 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 weeks or 2 years to text him back? Is treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen still a thing?!

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6. Immediately after the date you stalk all of his social media accounts, and automatically you try to decide which girl in his profile pictures is his ex, or sister? (while stalking try not to accidentally like his photo from 59 weeks ago)

7. You then proceed to stalk each girl from his photos social media accounts to get the dish on their relationship (seriously is she his ex or sister?!)

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8. Do you add him first on Facebook? Or wait for him to add you? Does it look too keen if you add him first? Is it bad if you look keen? How long after the date should you wait to add him?!

9. Who makes the relationship official on Facebook?

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10. You start thinking about your wedding and your future children’s names and that your dog will be called Winston.

11. Finally, while in happy relationship bliss, please try to restrain your SMDA (Social Media Display of Affection), no one want’s to know about your 1 month anniversary.

Words: Jessica Lunan

Why my relationship status doesn’t define me

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Ladies, it’s time to get real. More times than not, I’ve been asked about my love life which is followed by a confronting moment where after I’ve spat out my single answer the recipient doesn’t know what to say and stares at me in silence for what feels like way too long. After they’ve taken a few seconds to process the unimaginable, they respond with, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will meet Mr. Right really soon. I’m certain you’ve just been working so hard that you haven’t had time for a relationship.”

Like seriously? This annoys me time and time again. I’m sitting there wondering why they even have an opinion about my life. Of course I’m busy, but if Mr. Right came along today, then I’d surely be more than willing to make a little room in my busy schedule to get to know him.

Other than the annoying comment, it’s those few seconds that have me puzzled by the look on their face. It’s like all these speculations about how and why I could still be single are running circles around their thought processor. Maybe they’re thinking that I’m possibly crazy, hard to live with or have undeniably annoying habits. It’s like they’re sizing me up, picking out my flaws and assessing me coldly like I have some form of man-repelling disease.

So this is why in that moment, I feel the need to clearly tell them, that my relationship status does not define me. I’m single and they need to STFU about it. Who cares whether or not I have a man by my side. It’s not their concern and right now, it’s certainly not mine.

We’re are all grown women here, so let’s get candid about it. The truth is, though you don’t see us with a man, more than likely we have one that we are calling at 10pm as we leave the office on a Tuesday night.

We receive an invitation and it says to bring a plus one. No, this is not awkward because we’ll simply bring our most-fabulous friend who gets us to the core.

You’re thinking that we have no one to go home to on a Friday night after a long week. You’re wrong because we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who love and cherish us. Girl’s nights out with our BFFs, dinner with our guy friends, movie nights with family – they’re all there fulfilling us.

Do we get lonely, yes, but that’s what Tinder is for.

Do we miss having those big strong arms wrapped around us when we feel like the world is on our shoulders? Yes, but we’ve found those arms in champagne, Sex and the City re-runs and plenty of laughs with our girlfriends.

Are we panicking about having a family? Stop putting pressure on us. We are trying to take this one step at a time. Being single is not a curse. It’s a chapter.

We are not defined by our relationship status.

I know that Mr. Right will pop up sooner or later. So for now, I’m going to continue building my world. Love will find me, it’s all part of this circle we call life.

Why you're single and in your 20's and not afraid to admit it

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We are well passed the twilight years of our late teens but not quite at the ready-to-settle down era of our 30’s. If you’re among the proportion of 20-something-year-olds who would rather find your next bargain or that secret bar you’ve heard about over a partner, snaps to you. You don’t need them, but here are 10 positive signs you’ve made the right decisions in life so far.

You’re not rushing anything, especially not relationships
We’re hustling doing other things, but finding Mr Perfect has taken second priority. A long-term relationship is exactly that, long term. Long-term living together, long-term sharing our lives, long-term dedicating our time to somebody else - so if it takes us until we’re in our 30’s to find the right person to do all those things with, then cest la vie.

You’re experimenting
...in every way you can think of. Casual dating is a bit of a sex sampler, a bedroom taste-tester, a love making experiment. Call it what you like, nothing teaches us more about ourselves and what we like than being single and in our 20’s. It’s planning for the future, just without making any lists.

You’re learning from those before you
While everybody is else is getting married, making relationship mistakes and pretending they’re 35, we can watch on from the friend, colleague or family member role and take down some pointers of what to do and what not to do. Pink and red aren’t good wedding colour combinations, have the epidural, don’t trust the player. Their mistakes are our lessons.

Financial independence is as important as a diamond
By the time we settle down, we’ll have spent a decade working our Louboutins off and can buy our own diamond, car, house, holiday, or whatever we like really. While it’s nice to share things with a significant other, it’s just as nice to be able say we spent our 20’s building our own empire.

You have the rest of your life to settle down
Our 20’s is only about a quarter of our lives, so what’s the big deal if that first quarter, or more, is spent being single? How are we supposed to know what we want from another person if we don’t know what we want from ourselves? It’s an exciting thought, to know the rest of our lives is going to be spent with somebody we love but an even more exciting thought to know right now, our 20’s, is going to be spent being single and doing whatever we feel like.

You have all the answers to the marriage and children questions
Whatever our aunts, colleagues, grandmas or “settled” friends could possibly want to know about our martial status, we’re not afraid to tell them – our at least inform them we don’t kiss and tell. We’re 20 and single and not afraid to admit it – we also have pre-baby bodies, freedom and independence. Hardly a sacrifice.

You’re busy with your own life
Between building our careers, driving an empire and plotting our lives, we don’t have a lot of time for entertaining a significant other. Sure the odd dinner date, a reason to break out that new LBD, and a bit of experimenting of the odd evening is a good break from reality, we aren’t quite ready for a full-time commitment – at least not this decade.

You walk to the beat of your own drum
What do you want to eat, where do you want to holiday, what do you feel like doing on the weekend, do you like these throw cushions? Just think of all the life questions we can ask others but don’t have to take the answer seriously. 20, single, and doing what we want when we want.

Drinks and dancing with the girls isn’t something you’re about to give up
When the benefits of being single outweigh the pros of being in a relationship, it’s a good sign being 20 and single is the right path for you. We’ll get tired of partying one day, but in the mean time, make the most of it.

Because you don’t need a reason
Isn’t that enough?

40 thoughts a woman has when an ex sends you a random text

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Just when you think your doing great, life is fab and no man can ever hold your heart or your feelings, a text bomb hits your phone. The one who got away sends you an unexpected message and you suddenly realize that an emotionally-charged experience is heading in your direction. No matter how many walls you build, we are curious by nature and shortly a flood of feelings and thoughts overtake you, leaving nothing but confusion in its wake.

It doesn't matter who broke the relationship off, but what does matters is he thought about you and made that public first. And this has you thinking, "have you won in the secret game of love and war?"

So on that note, here are 40 thoughts every woman has when her ex sends her a random text:

  1. Why am I hearing from you?
  2. I was doing fine without you.
  3. Are we ready to just be friends?
  4. It's been a while since I got some, could this be a sign?
  5. No this can't be a sign. Who am I kidding?
  6. But my horoscope did say that an old love interest would pop up this month.
  7. Does he want to get back together?
  8. No, surely that can't be the case?
  9. What if he has a girlfriend?
  10. What if he just got dumped?
  11. Is he using me?
  12. I'm sure he misses me.
  13. Wait, do I miss him?
  14. No, no I do not miss him.
  15. I'm still single because I'm waiting for someone amazing.
  16. OK back on track, what am I going to do?
  17. You know what, this is exhausting I'm just going to avoid this whole situation.
  18. No I can't do that, then I'll look like I still have feelings or come across like a b#tch.
  19. I need ice cream.
  20. I need a date.
  21. Where are my girlfriends?
  22. Everyone is busy.
  23. I'll settle for SATC re-runs and pizza.
  24. Surely he just wanted to say hi.
  25. Why am I hyperventilating?
  26. I don't have feelings anymore so this shouldn't phase me.
  27. I'm not phased. I'm just shocked.
  28. He shouldn't be able to just message me like that.
  29. I could be busy right now or with my non-existent boyfriend.
  30. I know we ended our relationship like three years ago.
  31. This is still weird.
  32. I'm going to Facebook stalk him.
  33. I'm sure I'll find out why he had the sudden urge to text me.
  34. He's obviously still thinking about me.
  35. But I don't care anymore.
  36. I'm amazing.
  37. My life is fabulous.
  38. I can't even.
  39. I'll deal with this tomorrow.
  40. Time to order pizza.

7 reasons why he will always be your Mr. Big

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Believe it or not, but 17 years later we are still referencing Sex and the City like it’s our bible. Those four fabulous characters created a movement that has highlighted significant moments that we as women face throughout our lives.

Carrie Bradshaw’s infamous relationship with Mr. Big is all too close to comfort. And sadly her addiction to the man she loved but never really had, only left her broken.

Though the television series glamorised her pain, the truth is that a toxic relationship like that is damaging.

So in hopes to alter the Mr. Big cycle, here’s seven reasons why being addicted to the one-who-got-away is the reason why you can’t let go.

1. As soon as he left, you left his mind
In the moment, all that existed was you and him, nothing could come between the both of you. But as soon as he walked out the door, ‘you’ no longer existed. He’s present with you but never wants to fully commit. You were no longer on his mind ... you were only at his convenience.

2. You were never enough
He gave you the feeling that you were the one, but he was always looking for ‘better’. And that feeling alone is addictive, because it creates a desire to be more ‘sought after’. Truth be told, it’s a destructive thought pattern because eventually you will sacrifice a piece of who you are to be something that you aren’t.

3. He can’t let you go
You keep convincing yourself that he will never fully get over you. He exists in your life sporadically and that’s because you allow it. There are not a lot of boundaries and that 2am ‘miss you text’ is excused for true feelings. You’re the one he can’t make his mind up about, but you confuse that with hopes that he can’t do life without you.

4. You compare every guy to him
It’s the dangerous and delusional state where you unfairly compare every other guy to him. You can never become emotionally available because you feel something for someone else. You’re willing to stay in your single rut because you’re convinced that someday Mr. Big will change his mind and give you his all.

5. He was your best in bed
Your Mr. Big was the best you ever had. And that is what has destroyed you even more. It’s unfair that the man you love could also be the best f*ck of your life. It’s one thing to steal your heart but to take this away from you as well ... it’s just selfish!

6. It felt real, but it was a lie
You can’t get over him and you don’t want to. It felt real and letting someone take that away from you is completely cruel. How could he be 100% present in the moment but be lying through his teeth?

7. You still have hope
Though you’re tainted, there’s still hope that the love you gave will one day be returned. You know that you’re ‘enough’ and that’s all that matters.

6 times you've surrendered or been saved by your inner sexy

There is a time and place for everything – why do you think cars come with mirrors on the sun visor? Much like the convenience of a traffic-light-makeover, there are times when sexy saved us and when channeling our inner Carmen Sutra surrendered us. It’s a matter of balancing if there is enough time to take on the lippy before the light goes green and knowing to quit when we’re ahead – or clinching the waist a bit tighter or keeping things professional. A tough decision.

Save: The right kind of party
This is the moment for which the contemporary version of sexy was invented. The lights are dimmed, the track is a bit of fresh deep house, there isn’t a drink in site which isn’t Moet and the men know how good they look. It’s this kind of scenario in which we’re allowed to make up for all the times we chose not be sexy. Now remember ladies, tasteful, classic and confident is key here.

Surrender: In the professional realm
Nothing says eager like a dark lip at a job interview – and we don’t mean the right kind of eager either. By all means, take the wardrobe up a notch but remember we’re trying to show our professional abilities, not our nipples.

Save: Behind closed doors
Ladies, it’s time to shine. If sexy is your forte, there is no better time to go all out than behind closed doors. Whether with your man or the arts of Dita Von Teese, (or both) now is the time to show off what you have, what you can do and how well you do it. Have fun and play nice.

Surrender: In the street
We might be going form a behind closed doors or the right kind of party situation but sexy on the street is only ok under a large coat and with company for back-up. We’re talking for your personal safety and the safety of your morale. Like we said, there is a time and place.

Save: At home, every day (the best kind of sexy)
This form of sexy isn’t about what we are wearing or the shade of our lipstick, it’s about when we’re most comfortable, ourselves and content with where we are. This is the moment we fall in love all over again, laugh, cry, dream and plan, whether in our undies or a tracksuit. There is nothing more sexy than happy.

Surrender: Uncomfortable sexy
This is a very simple key to follow – if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Maybe the lip is a bit bold, the pencil skirt a bit tight or the whole mood a bit out. Sexy is not a movement for the faint hearted so if you’re not feeling it, put the Louboutins away for another day.

7 survival tactics for when you run into an ex

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Best said by Carrie Bradshaw, "The odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher."

So on that note, we've listed seven survival tactics to work through when that unexpected moment does occur.