Dating

Why you're single and in your 20's and not afraid to admit it

20Single02

We are well passed the twilight years of our late teens but not quite at the ready-to-settle down era of our 30’s. If you’re among the proportion of 20-something-year-olds who would rather find your next bargain or that secret bar you’ve heard about over a partner, snaps to you. You don’t need them, but here are 10 positive signs you’ve made the right decisions in life so far.

You’re not rushing anything, especially not relationships
We’re hustling doing other things, but finding Mr Perfect has taken second priority. A long-term relationship is exactly that, long term. Long-term living together, long-term sharing our lives, long-term dedicating our time to somebody else - so if it takes us until we’re in our 30’s to find the right person to do all those things with, then cest la vie.

You’re experimenting
...in every way you can think of. Casual dating is a bit of a sex sampler, a bedroom taste-tester, a love making experiment. Call it what you like, nothing teaches us more about ourselves and what we like than being single and in our 20’s. It’s planning for the future, just without making any lists.

You’re learning from those before you
While everybody is else is getting married, making relationship mistakes and pretending they’re 35, we can watch on from the friend, colleague or family member role and take down some pointers of what to do and what not to do. Pink and red aren’t good wedding colour combinations, have the epidural, don’t trust the player. Their mistakes are our lessons.

Financial independence is as important as a diamond
By the time we settle down, we’ll have spent a decade working our Louboutins off and can buy our own diamond, car, house, holiday, or whatever we like really. While it’s nice to share things with a significant other, it’s just as nice to be able say we spent our 20’s building our own empire.

You have the rest of your life to settle down
Our 20’s is only about a quarter of our lives, so what’s the big deal if that first quarter, or more, is spent being single? How are we supposed to know what we want from another person if we don’t know what we want from ourselves? It’s an exciting thought, to know the rest of our lives is going to be spent with somebody we love but an even more exciting thought to know right now, our 20’s, is going to be spent being single and doing whatever we feel like.

You have all the answers to the marriage and children questions
Whatever our aunts, colleagues, grandmas or “settled” friends could possibly want to know about our martial status, we’re not afraid to tell them – our at least inform them we don’t kiss and tell. We’re 20 and single and not afraid to admit it – we also have pre-baby bodies, freedom and independence. Hardly a sacrifice.

You’re busy with your own life
Between building our careers, driving an empire and plotting our lives, we don’t have a lot of time for entertaining a significant other. Sure the odd dinner date, a reason to break out that new LBD, and a bit of experimenting of the odd evening is a good break from reality, we aren’t quite ready for a full-time commitment – at least not this decade.

You walk to the beat of your own drum
What do you want to eat, where do you want to holiday, what do you feel like doing on the weekend, do you like these throw cushions? Just think of all the life questions we can ask others but don’t have to take the answer seriously. 20, single, and doing what we want when we want.

Drinks and dancing with the girls isn’t something you’re about to give up
When the benefits of being single outweigh the pros of being in a relationship, it’s a good sign being 20 and single is the right path for you. We’ll get tired of partying one day, but in the mean time, make the most of it.

Because you don’t need a reason
Isn’t that enough?

40 thoughts a woman has when an ex sends you a random text

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Just when you think your doing great, life is fab and no man can ever hold your heart or your feelings, a text bomb hits your phone. The one who got away sends you an unexpected message and you suddenly realize that an emotionally-charged experience is heading in your direction. No matter how many walls you build, we are curious by nature and shortly a flood of feelings and thoughts overtake you, leaving nothing but confusion in its wake.

It doesn't matter who broke the relationship off, but what does matters is he thought about you and made that public first. And this has you thinking, "have you won in the secret game of love and war?"

So on that note, here are 40 thoughts every woman has when her ex sends her a random text:

  1. Why am I hearing from you?
  2. I was doing fine without you.
  3. Are we ready to just be friends?
  4. It's been a while since I got some, could this be a sign?
  5. No this can't be a sign. Who am I kidding?
  6. But my horoscope did say that an old love interest would pop up this month.
  7. Does he want to get back together?
  8. No, surely that can't be the case?
  9. What if he has a girlfriend?
  10. What if he just got dumped?
  11. Is he using me?
  12. I'm sure he misses me.
  13. Wait, do I miss him?
  14. No, no I do not miss him.
  15. I'm still single because I'm waiting for someone amazing.
  16. OK back on track, what am I going to do?
  17. You know what, this is exhausting I'm just going to avoid this whole situation.
  18. No I can't do that, then I'll look like I still have feelings or come across like a b#tch.
  19. I need ice cream.
  20. I need a date.
  21. Where are my girlfriends?
  22. Everyone is busy.
  23. I'll settle for SATC re-runs and pizza.
  24. Surely he just wanted to say hi.
  25. Why am I hyperventilating?
  26. I don't have feelings anymore so this shouldn't phase me.
  27. I'm not phased. I'm just shocked.
  28. He shouldn't be able to just message me like that.
  29. I could be busy right now or with my non-existent boyfriend.
  30. I know we ended our relationship like three years ago.
  31. This is still weird.
  32. I'm going to Facebook stalk him.
  33. I'm sure I'll find out why he had the sudden urge to text me.
  34. He's obviously still thinking about me.
  35. But I don't care anymore.
  36. I'm amazing.
  37. My life is fabulous.
  38. I can't even.
  39. I'll deal with this tomorrow.
  40. Time to order pizza.

7 reasons why he will always be your Mr. Big

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Believe it or not, but 17 years later we are still referencing Sex and the City like it’s our bible. Those four fabulous characters created a movement that has highlighted significant moments that we as women face throughout our lives.

Carrie Bradshaw’s infamous relationship with Mr. Big is all too close to comfort. And sadly her addiction to the man she loved but never really had, only left her broken.

Though the television series glamorised her pain, the truth is that a toxic relationship like that is damaging.

So in hopes to alter the Mr. Big cycle, here’s seven reasons why being addicted to the one-who-got-away is the reason why you can’t let go.

1. As soon as he left, you left his mind
In the moment, all that existed was you and him, nothing could come between the both of you. But as soon as he walked out the door, ‘you’ no longer existed. He’s present with you but never wants to fully commit. You were no longer on his mind ... you were only at his convenience.

2. You were never enough
He gave you the feeling that you were the one, but he was always looking for ‘better’. And that feeling alone is addictive, because it creates a desire to be more ‘sought after’. Truth be told, it’s a destructive thought pattern because eventually you will sacrifice a piece of who you are to be something that you aren’t.

3. He can’t let you go
You keep convincing yourself that he will never fully get over you. He exists in your life sporadically and that’s because you allow it. There are not a lot of boundaries and that 2am ‘miss you text’ is excused for true feelings. You’re the one he can’t make his mind up about, but you confuse that with hopes that he can’t do life without you.

4. You compare every guy to him
It’s the dangerous and delusional state where you unfairly compare every other guy to him. You can never become emotionally available because you feel something for someone else. You’re willing to stay in your single rut because you’re convinced that someday Mr. Big will change his mind and give you his all.

5. He was your best in bed
Your Mr. Big was the best you ever had. And that is what has destroyed you even more. It’s unfair that the man you love could also be the best f*ck of your life. It’s one thing to steal your heart but to take this away from you as well ... it’s just selfish!

6. It felt real, but it was a lie
You can’t get over him and you don’t want to. It felt real and letting someone take that away from you is completely cruel. How could he be 100% present in the moment but be lying through his teeth?

7. You still have hope
Though you’re tainted, there’s still hope that the love you gave will one day be returned. You know that you’re ‘enough’ and that’s all that matters.

6 times you've surrendered or been saved by your inner sexy

There is a time and place for everything – why do you think cars come with mirrors on the sun visor? Much like the convenience of a traffic-light-makeover, there are times when sexy saved us and when channeling our inner Carmen Sutra surrendered us. It’s a matter of balancing if there is enough time to take on the lippy before the light goes green and knowing to quit when we’re ahead – or clinching the waist a bit tighter or keeping things professional. A tough decision.

Save: The right kind of party
This is the moment for which the contemporary version of sexy was invented. The lights are dimmed, the track is a bit of fresh deep house, there isn’t a drink in site which isn’t Moet and the men know how good they look. It’s this kind of scenario in which we’re allowed to make up for all the times we chose not be sexy. Now remember ladies, tasteful, classic and confident is key here.

Surrender: In the professional realm
Nothing says eager like a dark lip at a job interview – and we don’t mean the right kind of eager either. By all means, take the wardrobe up a notch but remember we’re trying to show our professional abilities, not our nipples.

Save: Behind closed doors
Ladies, it’s time to shine. If sexy is your forte, there is no better time to go all out than behind closed doors. Whether with your man or the arts of Dita Von Teese, (or both) now is the time to show off what you have, what you can do and how well you do it. Have fun and play nice.

Surrender: In the street
We might be going form a behind closed doors or the right kind of party situation but sexy on the street is only ok under a large coat and with company for back-up. We’re talking for your personal safety and the safety of your morale. Like we said, there is a time and place.

Save: At home, every day (the best kind of sexy)
This form of sexy isn’t about what we are wearing or the shade of our lipstick, it’s about when we’re most comfortable, ourselves and content with where we are. This is the moment we fall in love all over again, laugh, cry, dream and plan, whether in our undies or a tracksuit. There is nothing more sexy than happy.

Surrender: Uncomfortable sexy
This is a very simple key to follow – if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Maybe the lip is a bit bold, the pencil skirt a bit tight or the whole mood a bit out. Sexy is not a movement for the faint hearted so if you’re not feeling it, put the Louboutins away for another day.

7 survival tactics for when you run into an ex

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Best said by Carrie Bradshaw, "The odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher."

So on that note, we've listed seven survival tactics to work through when that unexpected moment does occur.