Thanks to Tinder, Gen Y continues to play games by hiding behind their phones - making us serious daters feel like it's all too hard.
Thanks to Tinder, Gen Y continues to play games by hiding behind their phones - making us serious daters feel like it's all too hard.
Some people get into a relationship because they feel they need to be in a relationship. The relationship gives them a sense of completeness, fulfils what is missing inside of them or meets the social expectations or obligations they feel upon them. Other people enter a relationship already feeling complete within themselves. The relationship adds to their happiness and they want to share their happiness with another person. Rather than out of desperation, need or obligation, they enter a relationship because they want one.
People who are needy will generally do anything and put up with anything just to get love and attention. This is because their neediness is driven by limiting beliefs such as “I don’t deserve to be loved”, “I am not worthy of a relationship”, etc. It is beliefs such as these that will affect how they think and feel about themselves, and how they behave in a relationship. The neediest of people will compromise themselves for love and attention.
When we enter any relationship, a dynamic forms between two people and each person can pick up and sense the other person’s energy. When one partner enters a relationship out of desperation or neediness, it affects how they think, what they say and how they behave. For example, a needy partner may want to spend all of their spare time with the other partner, while the latter may want some time for themselves. If that partner feels suffocated by their partner’s neediness and demands for love and attention, they may pull away.
The more the needy partner “pushes” their neediness on the other partner, the more that other partner will “pull” away from them. The needy partner, in turn, feels that their need for love and attention is missing even more, so “pushes” even more to have this need met. Their partner responds by “pulling” further away. This dynamic can continue until one or both partners get frustrated, which may result in a disagreement, an argument or even a break up.
Notice the language you use when you speak about your current or future relationship. Your language is important as it reflects your beliefs, as well as your motivation for a relationship. Words like:
• can, will, want to, am: are empowering and expand your options and choices
• can’t, should, have to, must: are disempowering and limiting of your choices.
Someone in a relationship who consistently says “I have to be in this relationship” is saying that they have little or no choice except to stay in that relationship. Their language reflects their beliefs around relationships eg. “I am expected to be in a relationship by this age”, “all of my friends have relationships therefore I must have one”, “If I am not in a relationship, I am unlovable/unworthy/don’t belong”, etc.
Whether you are currently in a relationship or are seeking one, be aware of the dynamic that you are creating through your thoughts, feelings, words and behaviour. If the dynamic on your dates or in your current relationship is a needy “push-pull” one, it is important to identify and address the limiting beliefs that are contributing to this so that you can create a relationship you truly want.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com
Ó Qt, 2000 – 2016. All Rights Reserved.
Remember how things seemed to be moving along nicely, your tummy had butterflies when you saw him, date night was new and still awkward at points, he met your girlfriends, you slept over at his house and he promised you'd catch up that weekend ...
The thrill of dating and the infatuation consumed you and then suddenly it all stopped. Not a single phone call, text message, double tap on Instagram or view on Snapchat. The communication went silent for a few days and you tried to brush it off. But then a week passed so you gave him a call, sent him a text and profusely stalked his Facebook account as you felt an eruption of emotions overtake you.
Then, the crazy kicks in ... 12 text messages and 3 (long) voice-mails later - you start to think he might be unwell, in hospital or worse, dead. So you pick up the phone and leave this lovey dovey voice message in hopes that by this point you don't look insane.
A few days later you're a mess. You've called your girlfriends drunk, eaten a tub of ice-cream and cried yourself to sleep all because you need answers.
Things were going so well and now the love trail has gone cold.
That's when you're hit with the truth of every girl's fear, "Hunny, you've been ghosted."
Thanks to the many a-holes out there, ghosting is a thing. So the first step is to acknowledge it. Yup, it sucks and it hurts a lot because you're left with the questions of what if, why and how. But being honest with yourself about the situation and understanding that it is out of your control is a healthy step in the right direction.
Acknowledging is one thing but accepting it is another. This takes time so give yourself the space you need to go through the motions. Reach out to your support system and feed yourself with positivity. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Know your worth and keep your head high.
It's time to move on. Don't let him hold you back, now you can step up and accelerate. Do the things you enjoy, don't give up on love and continue to live your life to the fullest. You are beautiful on the inside and out. Don't let any man tear you down.
Now, go get 'em girl!
In the crazy world of dating, sometimes it's hard to separate love from lust. How can you tell if he's in it for the long haul? Here's our list of tell-all signs that shows he is in it for the long haul.
He understands you. He's seen every part of you and he loves you all the same. He accepts your (many) flaws and wouldn't change a thing, for all the money in the world.
Whether it's your Wednesday night netball game or your stint at karaoke, he's your number one fan. You're never short of a cheer squad, whatever the occasion, and you know that he's got your back, no matter what.
We're not talking about a weekend at the beach or your plans for New Year's Eve. We're thinking about a guy who is seriously committed to a future with you. His attitude when it comes to the future is the perfect indication of where your relationship is headed.
Is there anything cuter than a guy holding a baby? We think not. A guy that's in his element at a kid's birthday party is a guy worth holding on to.
Your dad thinks he's a stand up guy? This says a lot more than you might think it does. Your family's approval is important, and if they get along like two peas in a pod, what more could you ask for?
Despite the fact that you've been together a few years now, he never ceases to amaze you. The little treats and surprises say a lot about how your relationship will look 10 years down the track. If he's still spoiling you, you can feel hopeful that you'll be a lucky girl for life.
It's important that he doesn't shy away from PDA. We're by no means expecting a passionate kiss mid grocery shop, but if he can express the way he feels about you to his mates and his mum, you know you've got a good thing going.
You're always on his mind. He may head out for a beer with the boys on the odd occasion, but you know that he will be home with some Ben and Jerry's before the night is out. If you come first, it's easy to see that he's serious.
You're a part of every aspect of his life. He wants you to meet his friends and family and be by his side at everything from a work function to a family dinner.
While we all enjoy a little loving, we know how crucial it is for him to be turned on by your mind as well as your body. If there are nights when you sit up talking about the world, or fall asleep in your sweats on his chest, you can be sure that he loves you for more than just your figure.
When he makes a mistake, he owns up to it. He's not too proud to admit his own flaws and his apologies are evidence of his maturity and empathy – two qualities too good to pass up on.
If you can't wipe the smile off your face, that’s a sure fire sign that you now know for sure that he will be around for a whole lot longer than just for now. Now, don't go dragging him down the aisle. Let him do that in his own time. Just be content in the knowledge that you're one of the lucky ones. You've got yourself a keeper. Our advice: hold on tight!
Words: Sophie Catsoulis
Fashion Weekly operates on the premise of introducing excellence to the lives of women. To us, empowerment is much more than a fashion statement, it is an unwavering confidence and lifestyle. That’s why we are so passionate about the mission of HERO Condoms.
HERO are an Australian, socially responsible brand who aims to diminish the alarming rate of sexually transmitted diseases and the stigma associated with condoms. Their unique, gender neutral packaging along with an innovative socially conscious and strong focus on female empowerment, they are proving that being prepared is actually being sexy.
The rise of oral contraception and the morning after pill has resulted in protection being likened to a last season dress. Gone are the days of it being trendy for males to carry rubber, despite being the easiest and most reliable way of preventing sexually transmitted diseases.
Did you know that 1 in 4 people suffer from HIV in Botswana? Sadly, women are more susceptible to contracting the virus. This alarming rate confirms the need to educate and raise more awareness about the increasing rate of infections.
We currently live in a society where females are sexually liberated, and it’s resulted in a high percentage of us buying condoms. Yet, the highly erotic, male targeted packaging that dominates the market makes it off-putting to purchase protection out of fear of judgement.
HERO takes the embarrassment out of the purchase. They’ve listened to females concerns about the stigma associated with buying condoms, and they’ve delivered. They’re the only company who offer female focused packaging, which has been created off the back of surveying women and asking them what they want in a condom brand.
The NEW HERO packaging is set to be launched in Woolworths by September of this year. The pioneering brand celebrates women who are being proactive bosses of their sexual health, and the sleek, inconspicuous design makes them the perfect addition to any clutch or handbag.
What’s more, HERO Condoms demonstrates they have a humanitarian heart. Their 1 for 1 commitment promises to match every HERO condom sold. Their mission is to donate them to the developing African community of Botswana who has the second largest prevelance rate of HIV/AIDS in the world. So far, they have already donated 575,000 condoms to the region and are determined to meet their 2016 target of another 2 million.
Four Seasons Comdoms Social Post HERO Condoms Social Post
With the above in mind, it’s time to break down the stereotypes. Carrying condoms doesn’t mean you’re any less of a lady. With HERO condoms you will not only be taking charge of your own sexual health, but helping rid the world of HIV/AIDS at the same time – so why not make love and change the world.
This sponsored post is proudly endorsed by Fashion Weekly.
While we’ve all experienced heart break, it’s usually the traditional romantic type. This is the separation that never gains much attention- the best friend breakup. It’s the moment you lose the Thelma to your Louise, the Blair to your Serena or the Heidi to your LC. Here’s what happens when you and your best friend decide to go separate ways.
At first it’s easy to believe you haven’t heard from your best friend because you both lead such busy lives. But when the days of radio silence turns into weeks, then months, it’s hard to believe that they’re just busy. You’re instantly left wondering what happened between you and your platonic soul mate. Perhaps it was a long time coming or you’ve just grown apart? Never the less, being ghosted by your best friend is one hundred times more painful than being ghosted by a f*boy.
When you break up with a partner, the usual protocol is to invite your best friend over and enjoy a glass of wine, cull the memories you’ve shared together and try to move on. But with a best friend breakup, who do you turn to during this painful time? What do you do with all your memories? Especially if you’ve travelled the world together, or been best friends since you were young.
Like a romantic break-up, when you break up with your best friend you’re left wondering if your mutual friends will continue to remain your friends, or worse, if they’ll disappear on you like your supposed BFF.
It’s a strange moment when you find out from others that your ex-BFF has finally landed that promotion, is engaged or is moving across the world. You’re not sure if you should message them to congratulate them (wait, do they even have the same number?) or if you should let things pass and continue your life feeling strangely bitter about the whole situation.
[RELATED: 12 Signs you are the Grinch of relationships]
Just like how you stalk your ex-partner every now and then (don’t pretend like you don’t), it’s hurtful when you see your ex-bestie hanging out with someone new. However, more often than not they might be trying to move on from your friendship too.
Seeing your ex-BFF’s family or significant other while you’re out and about is always awkward. Like your ex-bestie, you know so much about these people that it’s hard to ignore them. But at the same time, you can never be too sure what your ex-BFF has said to them about you, especially if things ended badly. The best thing to do is to bravely say hi and attempt to not sound hostile when you ask how your ex-bestie is.
There’s nothing worse than going to tag your ex-bestie in that hilarious meme you found on Facebook, only to realise that you can’t. However, what’s even worse is showing someone else that same meme and then having them pretend-laugh out of pity. You’re left wondering if you’ll ever find someone who understands your sarcastic sense of humour or appreciates weird memes like you do.
Like they say, heart break gets better with time. While it may hurt for a while and you’ll be unsure if you should like their Facebook status and Instagram posts, over time you’ll feel better. You’ll find others who share your sense of humour and cringey music taste. And you’ll look back on your friendship with you ex best friend and rather than feel sad, you’ll be able to smile.
The first date. The butterflies in your stomach just won't stop fluttering and your glistening eyes don't stray from his, even for a second. We can't pretend that you will still be aimlessly ogling at each other for hours on end, 2 years down the track, but we can share some tips on how to keep the spark alive.
Let's face it, relationships are hard work. You must learn to compromise, forgive and put someone else's wellbeing above our own (as hard as that sounds). This definitely is no walk in the park, to say the least. However, there is nothing more heart breaking than witnessing a couple that were once head over heels in love, let their relationship fall by the wayside. In the age of smart-phones and Snapchat, it's all too easy to let life's many distractions prevent us from giving our partner the love and attention they truly deserve.
But instead of throwing in the towel, follow our guide to keeping the romance alive.
Surprise your guy with tickets to his favourite band, some sexy new lingerie or simply stop by and drop off his favourite sandwich, just to brighten up his day.
Work commitments aside, make sure you prioritise your man. Leave a night free for a bit of alone time and make the most of it – phones away please!
Book a trip for your next break. Whether it's a night at the beach or two weeks in Europe, it will give you something to look forward to, together.
Be sure to ask about his day, and really listen. Find out about his job, his friends, his family, the score of the footy game he's watching.
Send him a sneaky text or snap on your lunch break. Tell him that you can't wait to see him tonight to build that excitment for when he walks through the door.
So he forgot to do the dishes last week, or maybe even your mum's birthday. So what? If you love him and you want things to work out between you, you can't hold a grudge.
Think of an activity that you can do together. Whether that's trying every brunch place in Brisbane, taking your dog to puppy pre-school or learning to surf, you will have something unique that connects and drives you.
We're not saying he doesn't love you, sweats and all. But why not spice things up and doll up for a night on the town – he won't be able to resist.
Words: Sophie Catsoulis
Have you recently broken up with your partner? Do you find yourself unable to move on? Are you constantly thinking about the relationship that just ended?
Here are some simple ways to tell that you are still into your ex partner. Now take a moment to honestly answer the questions below:
If you answered “yes” to at least two of the above or you have done one of the above at least twice, there is a problem.
If you are really serious about moving on and attracting and keeping your ideal partner, delete your ex’s text and email messages and phone number from your phone now. Stop dwelling on the past relationship, because to the extent that you still hold - you will block your energy from attracting the partner you want.
What can you learn about yourself from this past relationship?
Before you can attract your new relationship, you first need to let go of all the past relationships by decluttering your mind from previous insecurities and negative behaviours. These old patterns will distract or confuse your thinking in your future relationship. By learning from past flaws you can now avoid repeating the same unsuccessful lessons in your next relationship.
Learn what you need to learn from your ex partner, let go of what has happened in the past, delete those messages and make room for the relationship you desire!
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
Ó Qt, 2000 – 2016. All Rights Reserved.
As die-hard SATC fans, we can solemnly say that to this day, we use the show as a sort of bible for both fashion and love. From her Manolo's to her marriage, we sure follow closely and take note of exactly how to handle things just like our girl, Carrie, would. After every heartache, she bounced back more confident (and more stylish than ever), and over 10 years later, it is safe to say that we still attempt to emulate her in almost every way possible.
When it comes to love, Carrie was both brave and passionate. Read on and discover if you too have succeeded in mastering the always desirable Bradshaw ways.
Okay, so you might not have been dumped via a post it note (yet), but you've definitely experienced more heartbreak than the average girl. You love deeply and sometimes, guys can't handle your individuality. But it's their loss, and they know it as well as you do.
For you, your friends are your family. You have a close knit group of girls that mean the world to you, and you wouldn't trade any of them for a guy (even if he is Bradley Cooper!)
You're not the type to wait around. If a guy doesn't make the effort, or if you're a little iffy about your future together, you will cut him loose just like that. Just like Carrie and the jazz guy, if you're not his top priority, you know all too well that he's not worth your precious time.
You're no Cruella de Vil, but kids just aren't for you. You're happy to hold a friend's bub over brunch, but one of your own? No thanks. Just like Carrie and Big, you are more than happy for it to just be the two of you (once you meet him of course).
Sure, you've had a bunch of boyfriends. You don't mind a guy spending the night, or even making things exclusive. But the second he tries to put a ring on your finger, boom, he's got you running for the hills.
You might amuse yourself with an Aidan for a while, but you can't resist the allure of a bad boy. There will always be that one guy that you're inexplicably drawn to, no matter how sweet someone else is. Our only suggestion: save everyone the pain and break up with your nice guy kindly. Don't do a Carrie and go behind his back – way too much drama for our liking!
Despite the countless mediocre boyfriends, bad dates and the occasional one night stands, you know your worth. Hold out for a guy who will build you your dream shoe closet. After all of the drama, you deserve it.
If these signs resonated with you, congratulations, you are pretty much the closest thing to Carrie. You know what you want and exactly how to get it. You are strong willed, effortlessly fashionable and undeniably unique. Keep doing exactly what you're doing. You might have to meet a few Jack Berger's and Alexander Petrovsky's along the way, but your Mr Big is out there. Keep falling head first into love and we guarantee, he's not as far off the horizon as you think.
Words: Sophie Catsoulis
Sometimes, we forget that sex appeal can truly have nothing to do with sex. As confusing as this might sound, we've discovered that to guys, the simplest, seemingly insignifcant things are sometimes the sexiest. From the way you pull back your pony to your choice in body wash, here's exactly how to drive him crazy without really doing a thing.
Boys just can't resist that bed head look. Whether it's a preppy pony or waterfall waves, keep it loose and toussled and you'll be ruffling more than a few locks of hair.
The lips, an obvious point of attraction. Believe us, liner and gloss can make all the difference. Opt for nudes and pinks, and perfect that pout to have your lips looking as kissable as ever.
We're not just talking perfume. Of course, a sexy signature scent is important, but there's more than one way entice a nose. As strange as it sounds, your shampoo, bodywash, body lotion and deodorant can make all the difference. That hint of coconut in your bubble bath? He likes it more than you'd think!
Lingerie aside, underwear can still be a sneaky yet effective seduction tool. It's as simple as a glimpse of a bralette under a low cut top, or even a black bra under a white button up. That sneak peak will have him dying to see the main event!
There's nothing sexier than a smile, except maybe a laugh. The way you giggle can drive him mad. Just maybe avoid the snorting if possible.
When they say 'strut your stuff', they really mean it. No guy can resist a girl who's not afraid to flaunt it. So, next time you walk by a bunch of boys, slow down and strut it -let them enjoy the view!
Eye contact is the sexiest form of communication, if you ask us. A bat of your lashes or a wink of your lid can do wonders.
So, there you have it. You can be sexy as hell without even lifting a finger. Who knew flirting was so easy?
Words: Sophie Catsoulis
Whether it’s due to a bad breakup, being single for too long or a series of dud dates, most of us have been at that point where we just hate, love. Some call this being ‘jaded’, we call it being the Grinch of relationships – and hey, it’s totally okay to feel like this. It won’t last forever (we hope)...
If you can relate to these 12 situations, we’re sorry to say but you might actually be the Grinch of relationships; just ask your friends, we’re sure they’ve noticed too.
Your reaction to most rom-coms is more along the lines of ‘pffft’ and ‘as if’ than ‘how sweet’.
And if that couple is going to be insolent and go there, you’re going to be rude and make that WTF face right at them.
Made even better if you have a like-minded friend to tag and disgust!
Or you take a sneaky Snapchat to send to said friend.
“What DO you want?”.
If even Gigi can get her heart broken, then you're slightly more okay with this whole situation.
You have a serious aversion to the word “we”.
No you can’t hang out later, no you don’t have other plans; you just enjoy staying-in alone and over eating.
You ‘catch up’, you don’t catch feelings.
You couldn’t imagine dealing with that responsibility ... like aren’t you your own person? Eye roll*
You know, THAT look that comes with the “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” and the pat on the back.
You’ve learnt all the single-person hacks, from the fake tan mitt on the hanger trick to figuring out how to open that tightly twisted jar without a muscly man.
Words: Frances van Eeden
A dating dilemma most women know very well... The guy you’re seeing invites you over for dinner and although you know it is 100% going to turn into a ‘sleepover’, of course you can’t reveal how much thought you’ve put into the situation by showing up with an overnight bag.
These hacks will ensure you rock that confident “I woke up like this” vibe and stay the casual cool girl you are.
One of the biggest decisions you face when ‘spontaneously’ sleeping over is whether or not to wash off your makeup.
Keep it on and your eye makeup will inevitably end up on your chin however washing your face without makeup remover will result in raccoon eyes.
The solution? Maintain your eyebrows and lashes regularly. Avoid mascara and instead get a lash lift and tint or opt for eyelash extensions. Visit a brow salon to shape and tint your brows or invest in eyebrow tattooing for natural looking ‘on-fleek’ features.
Despite popular belief, you really don’t need to lug over your whole beauty kit to look beautiful in the morning. Your brows and lashes will already look amazing so all you need to do in the AM is simply apply a tinted moisturiser then swipe on some lipstick!
Keep those mini toothbrushes they hand out at the dentist and in your handbag at all times, sneak into the bathroom and subtly brush your teeth after dinner. If that is too obvious breath mints are always a lifesaver!
While you want to look AMAZING on your date (and dress for the occasion) keep in mind how you can style your outfit in the morning.
If you’re heading out for dinner opt for a chic pair of black skinny jeans and a sexy plunge top... Before you leave tie a lightweight scarf around your handbag as an ‘accessory’ and in the morning you have a scarf to cover up with and make the top daytime appropriate!
Or pop a tank top in your handbag and whip it out in the morning.
Nothing feels worse than slipping on last night’s panties.
Carry a Tangle Teezer in your bag, the compact size won’t be as bulky or obvious as your normal hairbrush but it will still get the job done of fixing that bed head. Keeping a travel size dry shampoo in your purse is also handy to insert some volume back into your mane.
These handy hints will ensure you avoid being that desperate girl who lugs over a duffel bag while looking naturally beautiful in the AM!
Words: Frances van Eeden