Single, dating or shacked up, we’ve all been there.
As we all know, men can be awesome! Flirting, fun dates, cute texts, we love it all. But there are certain things men tend to do, whether we’re dating them or just matched on Tinder, that drive us crazy.
Says “We should go out sometime” but never locks it in
So you’re texting someone new and the flirting is on point. He says “We should go out/catch up/hang out sometime”, and you squeal privately and then respond with a cool “Sure thing, sounds great!” The banter resumes and then you forget to lock in plans. And so it goes on. When a guy hints at hanging out but never makes solid plans, it can drive a sane woman to breaking point!
Says he’ll call, but only texts you
Those of us who like to multitask (all women?) may be totally okay with squeezing in a text convo while we watch SATC reruns, but when a guy says he’ll call you and then only texts, it’s kinda annoying. A good old fashioned phone call in this day and age can be a super sweet gesture, so don’t promise if you can’t follow through!
Cancels on you last minute to go drinking with his mates
Look, we get it: every guy loves to hang with his boys. But when plans have been made, it’s just poor form to ditch us for your mates. We’d never let you skip out on plans with the guys to hang with us, so don’t do it the other way around! It makes us feel unimportant or like a time-filler in case no better offers come along.
Doesn’t want a relationship…then acts all coupley
If you’ve come to an agreement that neither of you wants a serious relationship, that’s great. But when a guy says that and then puts on the whole boyfriend act, calling you special and sweet and blah blah blah, lines can get blurred.
Flirty in person and then AWOL
You run into him on a night out. He’s tipsy and SO excited to see you. He gets super flirty and the chemistry is poppin’! Then for the next few days…radio silence. You just don’t hear from him for several days. So annoying!
Takes forever to text back
Following on from the previous one – nothing is more annoying than when a guy takes forever to text you back. Nothing, that is, except for when he finally does reply…with a “Yup.” Or “Cool.” Or, worst of all, “K”.
Another texting sin: simply texting you “Hey”. What are we supposed to reply to that? Are you bored? If you want to chat, start an actual conversation.
Asks you on a date and refuses to actually plan said date
We’ve surely all been there. He asks if you’d like to see him. You say yes, and ask what you’ll be doing together. He gives the world’s worst response: “I don’t know, whatever you want.” Guys, if you’re asking us on a date, have an idea in mind! It can be as simple as a movie date. Just don’t leave all the decision-making to us!
Has painted-on ears
You’re excitedly telling him about your girls’ trip to Melbourne next Friday, and he’s nodding along. Five minutes later you mention how keen you are for the weekend and he’s like, “What’s happening on the weekend?” *women everywhere collectively sigh*
Has no clue what a nice night out means
You suggest the two of you have a nice evening out – dinner, maybe drinks afterwards. He says sure and suggests Grill’d. Don’t get us wrong, we love a juicy burger, but when we say nice, we mean a little bit fancier than that…
You don’t know where you stand
Possibly the most annoying of them all is when you just don’t know where you stand with a guy. He might be super flirty but shies away from actually committing to a date. Or he comments on all your Insta selfies…and does the same to five other girls. Or maybe he says he only wants you, but that he isn’t ready for a relationship. Not knowing what’s going on is just the worst! It can drive any sane woman totally loco.
Are you sending mixed signals to your partner or on your dates? Do you experience confusion about whether or not you want to be in a relationship?
Anytime you find yourself siting on the fence or are indecisive about what you want could simply signify that you are experiencing internal conflict. You may find yourself being emotionally pulled in different directions such as:
Whether to stay single or get into a relationship.
Whether to have intimacy in a relationship or not because of a fear of abandonment.
Whether to seek love or not because of not feeling worthy of it.
If you have your feet in both camps about what you want then you will never be fully committed or able achieve the single or partner status.
Inner conflict around a relationship can drain your energy and motivation, as well as send mixed signals to your current or potential partner. It is also important to identify and resolve any inner conflict so that you are congruent about what you want. Once you make a decision about what you want and are ready for, you will be fully committed to that course of action, and will more easily follow through and achieve it.
Common signs of potential inner conflict around relationships can include: Saying one thing and doing another e.g. let’s have coffee, then not following through. Acting against your inner feelings e.g. your gut feeling is to say “no” and you say “yes” to the date. Second guessing your feelings e.g. you feel attracted to a potential partner and you question how you feel. Contradicting yourself in what you say e.g. saying “I want to go out, but I’m not sure”. Disagreeing with yourself e.g. your internal dialogue says “I want to be loved” one minute and “I don’t deserve love” the next minute, thus creating confusion about what you really want.
While often these signs can be subtle, your partner or potential partner will pick up on these cues subconsciously, and will respond accordingly. Your uncertainty about what you want will be reflected in their uncertainty towards you and the relationship.
Reaching agreement with yourself
Once you identify the internal conflict, it is important to resolve it by reaching agreement with yourself. So rather than debating about what to do, you can make a congruent decision with which you are happy. Here is an exercise to assist you with reaching a decision that is right for you.
For example, if the conflict is that you seek to be in a relationship with a partner yet you treasure your independence, ask yourself the following questions and notice the replies that instantly come to mind:
How can I achieve both a relationship with a partner and independence?
Does the relationship I want include having my own independence too?
How can independence and a relationship with a partner both work together for me?
Next, visualise yourself having both a relationship with a partner and independence – notice the positive images, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells and self talk around having both. Then ask yourself “What steps do I want to take to make this happen?”. Write these steps down, set a goal and action your plan.
This will assist you to work through any minor conflict and to move forward decisively with consistent thoughts, feelings and actions. Once those conflicts are resolved, you will have the clarity and focus to create exactly what you desire in your relationship.
By implementing the above, you will be able to avoid these seven deadly relationship sins and have the harmonious and loving relationship you desire.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
Forget being played, it's time to become the player.
In the past we’ve been the first to vent our frustrations over the heartbreak that Tinder has created for us. From being ghosted, to dealing with 'fice' guys, enough is enough!
The truth is, we’re currently a generation of #GIRLBOSSES who are focussed on our careers and our own success. We’re determined to find our own happiness and you know if it doesn’t meet our high expectations we will never settle for anything less.
That’s why in our busy schedules dating is the perfect outlet for flirtatious fun. Instead of wearing our hearts on our sleeves, it’s time to take a step back and stop taking dating so seriously. Rather than being played, it’s time to become the player.
Here’s why Tinder is actually the most amazing thing to happen to us.
Swipe to your hearts content.
Forget Pokemon Go, our favourite game is swiping on the app. Finding who you match with is almost addicting, and once you add wine and your girlfriends in on the action you’re set for a night full of lols.
Busy boss lady.
The beauty of the app is that you can talk to people on your own terms. Whether you’re commuting home after a log day at the office or you can’t sleep, there’s always someone to chat to.
While we’re all guilty of avoiding messages on Facebook because of the dreaded ‘seen’ setting, on Tinder the other person isn’t notified when you’ve read a message. You will never feel that messenger guilt!
Let your freak flag fly.
And by this we don’t mean being creepy. Sometimes with dating it’s easy to get caught up in making yourself seam desirable, that occasionally your incredible wit and sense of humour can be put on the back burner. This is the opportunity to let your freak flag fly. If you want to use cheesy pickup lines, use them! The majority of guys love banter and you’ll be a breath of fresh air to the dating scene.
While we’re fully against mind games, there’s something so liberating about mindlessly flirting with a guy while you’re in your pjs and eating a big bowl of ice cream in front of The Bachelor. What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.
No strings attached.
The ball is in your court. Whether you’re just after a bit of banter or a night of fun, the option is completely up to you. And what’s more, it’s completely up to you if you want to see him again.
Chance to make friends.
We hate to be cheesy, but you meet so many different people of Tinder. Not every date has to blossom into love. You might find yourself a new concert buddy or even just have a funny dating story to tell the girls.
You know we’re all about that life. In moderation, of course.