Are you sending mixed signals to your partner or on your dates? Do you experience confusion about whether or not you want to be in a relationship?
Anytime you find yourself siting on the fence or are indecisive about what you want could simply signify that you are experiencing internal conflict. You may find yourself being emotionally pulled in different directions such as:
Whether to stay single or get into a relationship.
Whether to have intimacy in a relationship or not because of a fear of abandonment.
Whether to seek love or not because of not feeling worthy of it.
If you have your feet in both camps about what you want then you will never be fully committed or able achieve the single or partner status.
Inner conflict around a relationship can drain your energy and motivation, as well as send mixed signals to your current or potential partner. It is also important to identify and resolve any inner conflict so that you are congruent about what you want. Once you make a decision about what you want and are ready for, you will be fully committed to that course of action, and will more easily follow through and achieve it.
Common signs of potential inner conflict around relationships can include: Saying one thing and doing another e.g. let’s have coffee, then not following through. Acting against your inner feelings e.g. your gut feeling is to say “no” and you say “yes” to the date. Second guessing your feelings e.g. you feel attracted to a potential partner and you question how you feel. Contradicting yourself in what you say e.g. saying “I want to go out, but I’m not sure”. Disagreeing with yourself e.g. your internal dialogue says “I want to be loved” one minute and “I don’t deserve love” the next minute, thus creating confusion about what you really want.
While often these signs can be subtle, your partner or potential partner will pick up on these cues subconsciously, and will respond accordingly. Your uncertainty about what you want will be reflected in their uncertainty towards you and the relationship.
Reaching agreement with yourself
Once you identify the internal conflict, it is important to resolve it by reaching agreement with yourself. So rather than debating about what to do, you can make a congruent decision with which you are happy. Here is an exercise to assist you with reaching a decision that is right for you.
For example, if the conflict is that you seek to be in a relationship with a partner yet you treasure your independence, ask yourself the following questions and notice the replies that instantly come to mind:
How can I achieve both a relationship with a partner and independence?
Does the relationship I want include having my own independence too?
How can independence and a relationship with a partner both work together for me?
Next, visualise yourself having both a relationship with a partner and independence – notice the positive images, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells and self talk around having both. Then ask yourself “What steps do I want to take to make this happen?”. Write these steps down, set a goal and action your plan.
This will assist you to work through any minor conflict and to move forward decisively with consistent thoughts, feelings and actions. Once those conflicts are resolved, you will have the clarity and focus to create exactly what you desire in your relationship.
By implementing the above, you will be able to avoid these seven deadly relationship sins and have the harmonious and loving relationship you desire.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
Forget being played, it's time to become the player.
In the past we’ve been the first to vent our frustrations over the heartbreak that Tinder has created for us. From being ghosted, to dealing with 'fice' guys, enough is enough!
The truth is, we’re currently a generation of #GIRLBOSSES who are focussed on our careers and our own success. We’re determined to find our own happiness and you know if it doesn’t meet our high expectations we will never settle for anything less.
That’s why in our busy schedules dating is the perfect outlet for flirtatious fun. Instead of wearing our hearts on our sleeves, it’s time to take a step back and stop taking dating so seriously. Rather than being played, it’s time to become the player.
Here’s why Tinder is actually the most amazing thing to happen to us.
Swipe to your hearts content.
Forget Pokemon Go, our favourite game is swiping on the app. Finding who you match with is almost addicting, and once you add wine and your girlfriends in on the action you’re set for a night full of lols.
Busy boss lady.
The beauty of the app is that you can talk to people on your own terms. Whether you’re commuting home after a log day at the office or you can’t sleep, there’s always someone to chat to.
While we’re all guilty of avoiding messages on Facebook because of the dreaded ‘seen’ setting, on Tinder the other person isn’t notified when you’ve read a message. You will never feel that messenger guilt!
Let your freak flag fly.
And by this we don’t mean being creepy. Sometimes with dating it’s easy to get caught up in making yourself seam desirable, that occasionally your incredible wit and sense of humour can be put on the back burner. This is the opportunity to let your freak flag fly. If you want to use cheesy pickup lines, use them! The majority of guys love banter and you’ll be a breath of fresh air to the dating scene.
While we’re fully against mind games, there’s something so liberating about mindlessly flirting with a guy while you’re in your pjs and eating a big bowl of ice cream in front of The Bachelor. What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.
No strings attached.
The ball is in your court. Whether you’re just after a bit of banter or a night of fun, the option is completely up to you. And what’s more, it’s completely up to you if you want to see him again.
Chance to make friends.
We hate to be cheesy, but you meet so many different people of Tinder. Not every date has to blossom into love. You might find yourself a new concert buddy or even just have a funny dating story to tell the girls.
You know we’re all about that life. In moderation, of course.
Are you desperate to be in a new relationship or to make an existing one work? Do you need to be loved and shown constant attention? Would you like to be in a relationship for the right reasons and receive the love you deserve?
Need versus Want
Some people get into a relationship because they feel they need to be in a relationship. The relationship gives them a sense of completeness, fulfils what is missing inside of them or meets the social expectations or obligations they feel upon them. Other people enter a relationship already feeling complete within themselves. The relationship adds to their happiness and they want to share their happiness with another person. Rather than out of desperation, need or obligation, they enter a relationship because they want one.
People who are needy will generally do anything and put up with anything just to get love and attention. This is because their neediness is driven by limiting beliefs such as “I don’t deserve to be loved”, “I am not worthy of a relationship”, etc. It is beliefs such as these that will affect how they think and feel about themselves, and how they behave in a relationship. The neediest of people will compromise themselves for love and attention.
When we enter any relationship, a dynamic forms between two people and each person can pick up and sense the other person’s energy. When one partner enters a relationship out of desperation or neediness, it affects how they think, what they say and how they behave. For example, a needy partner may want to spend all of their spare time with the other partner, while the latter may want some time for themselves. If that partner feels suffocated by their partner’s neediness and demands for love and attention, they may pull away.
The more the needy partner “pushes” their neediness on the other partner, the more that other partner will “pull” away from them. The needy partner, in turn, feels that their need for love and attention is missing even more, so “pushes” even more to have this need met. Their partner responds by “pulling” further away. This dynamic can continue until one or both partners get frustrated, which may result in a disagreement, an argument or even a break up.
Why A Relationship?
Notice the language you use when you speak about your current or future relationship. Your language is important as it reflects your beliefs, as well as your motivation for a relationship. Words like: • can, will, want to, am: are empowering and expand your options and choices • can’t, should, have to, must: are disempowering and limiting of your choices.
Someone in a relationship who consistently says “I have to be in this relationship” is saying that they have little or no choice except to stay in that relationship. Their language reflects their beliefs around relationships eg. “I am expected to be in a relationship by this age”, “all of my friends have relationships therefore I must have one”, “If I am not in a relationship, I am unlovable/unworthy/don’t belong”, etc.
Whether you are currently in a relationship or are seeking one, be aware of the dynamic that you are creating through your thoughts, feelings, words and behaviour. If the dynamic on your dates or in your current relationship is a needy “push-pull” one, it is important to identify and address the limiting beliefs that are contributing to this so that you can create a relationship you truly want.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com
Welcome to 2016 where ghosting someone and being ghosted are now an accepted and familiar dating etiquette.
Remember how things seemed to be moving along nicely, your tummy had butterflies when you saw him, date night was new and still awkward at points, he met your girlfriends, you slept over at his house and he promised you'd catch up that weekend ...
The thrill of dating and the infatuation consumed you and then suddenly it all stopped. Not a single phone call, text message, double tap on Instagram or view on Snapchat. The communication went silent for a few days and you tried to brush it off. But then a week passed so you gave him a call, sent him a text and profusely stalked his Facebook account as you felt an eruption of emotions overtake you.
Then, the crazy kicks in ... 12 text messages and 3 (long) voice-mails later - you start to think he might be unwell, in hospital or worse, dead. So you pick up the phone and leave this lovey dovey voice message in hopes that by this point you don't look insane.
A few days later you're a mess. You've called your girlfriends drunk, eaten a tub of ice-cream and cried yourself to sleep all because you need answers.
Things were going so well and now the love trail has gone cold.
That's when you're hit with the truth of every girl's fear, "Hunny, you've been ghosted."
Thanks to the many a-holes out there, ghosting is a thing. So the first step is to acknowledge it. Yup, it sucks and it hurts a lot because you're left with the questions of what if, why and how. But being honest with yourself about the situation and understanding that it is out of your control is a healthy step in the right direction.
Acknowledging is one thing but accepting it is another. This takes time so give yourself the space you need to go through the motions. Reach out to your support system and feed yourself with positivity. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Know your worth and keep your head high.
It's time to move on. Don't let him hold you back, now you can step up and accelerate. Do the things you enjoy, don't give up on love and continue to live your life to the fullest. You are beautiful on the inside and out. Don't let any man tear you down.
How to decide once and for all that your man isn't playing games and he's looking for something serious with you.
In the crazy world of dating, sometimes it's hard to separate love from lust. How can you tell if he's in it for the long haul? Here's our list of tell-all signs that shows he is in it for the long haul.
1. He doesn't try to change you
He understands you. He's seen every part of you and he loves you all the same. He accepts your (many) flaws and wouldn't change a thing, for all the money in the world.
2. He supports you
Whether it's your Wednesday night netball game or your stint at karaoke, he's your number one fan. You're never short of a cheer squad, whatever the occasion, and you know that he's got your back, no matter what.
3. He talks about the future
We're not talking about a weekend at the beach or your plans for New Year's Eve. We're thinking about a guy who is seriously committed to a future with you. His attitude when it comes to the future is the perfect indication of where your relationship is headed.
4. He loves kids
Is there anything cuter than a guy holding a baby? We think not. A guy that's in his element at a kid's birthday party is a guy worth holding on to.
5. He gets along with your family
Your dad thinks he's a stand up guy? This says a lot more than you might think it does. Your family's approval is important, and if they get along like two peas in a pod, what more could you ask for?
6. He spoils you
Despite the fact that you've been together a few years now, he never ceases to amaze you. The little treats and surprises say a lot about how your relationship will look 10 years down the track. If he's still spoiling you, you can feel hopeful that you'll be a lucky girl for life.
7. He's not afraid to show how much he loves you
It's important that he doesn't shy away from PDA. We're by no means expecting a passionate kiss mid grocery shop, but if he can express the way he feels about you to his mates and his mum, you know you've got a good thing going.
8. He prioritises you
You're always on his mind. He may head out for a beer with the boys on the odd occasion, but you know that he will be home with some Ben and Jerry's before the night is out. If you come first, it's easy to see that he's serious.
9. He includes you
You're a part of every aspect of his life. He wants you to meet his friends and family and be by his side at everything from a work function to a family dinner.
10. He's not just about the physical side of things
While we all enjoy a little loving, we know how crucial it is for him to be turned on by your mind as well as your body. If there are nights when you sit up talking about the world, or fall asleep in your sweats on his chest, you can be sure that he loves you for more than just your figure.
11. He says sorry
When he makes a mistake, he owns up to it. He's not too proud to admit his own flaws and his apologies are evidence of his maturity and empathy – two qualities too good to pass up on.
If you can't wipe the smile off your face, that’s a sure fire sign that you now know for sure that he will be around for a whole lot longer than just for now. Now, don't go dragging him down the aisle. Let him do that in his own time. Just be content in the knowledge that you're one of the lucky ones. You've got yourself a keeper. Our advice: hold on tight!
Sex and the City's daring and risqué character, Samantha Jones, took the taboo out of sex and has inspired a generation of women taking charge of their sex life. However, it’s important that we make informed choices that puts our health at the forefront. Like any pair of red soled Louboutins, when the right occasion presents itself - it's without question that we turn up the heat and strut our stuff.
Fashion Weekly operates on the premise of introducing excellence to the lives of women. To us, empowerment is much more than a fashion statement, it is an unwavering confidence and lifestyle. That’s why we are so passionate about the mission of HERO Condoms.
HERO are an Australian, socially responsible brand who aims to diminish the alarming rate of sexually transmitted diseases and the stigma associated with condoms. Their unique, gender neutral packaging along with an innovative socially conscious and strong focus on female empowerment, they are proving that being prepared is actually being sexy.
The rise of oral contraception and the morning after pill has resulted in protection being likened to a last season dress. Gone are the days of it being trendy for males to carry rubber, despite being the easiest and most reliable way of preventing sexually transmitted diseases.
Did you know that 1 in 4 people suffer from HIV in Botswana? Sadly, women are more susceptible to contracting the virus. This alarming rate confirms the need to educate and raise more awareness about the increasing rate of infections.
We currently live in a society where females are sexually liberated, and it’s resulted in a high percentage of us buying condoms. Yet, the highly erotic, male targeted packaging that dominates the market makes it off-putting to purchase protection out of fear of judgement.
HERO takes the embarrassment out of the purchase. They’ve listened to females concerns about the stigma associated with buying condoms, and they’ve delivered. They’re the only company who offer female focused packaging, which has been created off the back of surveying women and asking them what they want in a condom brand.
The NEW HERO packaging is set to be launched in Woolworths by September of this year. The pioneering brand celebrates women who are being proactive bosses of their sexual health, and the sleek, inconspicuous design makes them the perfect addition to any clutch or handbag.
What’s more, HERO Condoms demonstrates they have a humanitarian heart. Their 1 for 1 commitment promises to match every HERO condom sold. Their mission is to donate them to the developing African community of Botswana who has the second largest prevelance rate of HIV/AIDS in the world. So far, they have already donated 575,000 condoms to the region and are determined to meet their 2016 target of another 2 million.
Four Seasons Comdoms Social Post HERO Condoms Social Post
With the above in mind, it’s time to break down the stereotypes. Carrying condoms doesn’t mean you’re any less of a lady. With HERO condoms you will not only be taking charge of your own sexual health, but helping rid the world of HIV/AIDS at the same time – so why not make love and change the world.
Best friends share a platonic love that you can’t imagine ever ending, until it does.
While we’ve all experienced heart break, it’s usually the traditional romantic type. This is the separation that never gains much attention- the best friend breakup. It’s the moment you lose the Thelma to your Louise, the Blair to your Serena or the Heidi to your LC. Here’s what happens when you and your best friend decide to go separate ways.
When you're ghosted by your BFF.
At first it’s easy to believe you haven’t heard from your best friend because you both lead such busy lives. But when the days of radio silence turns into weeks, then months, it’s hard to believe that they’re just busy. You’re instantly left wondering what happened between you and your platonic soul mate. Perhaps it was a long time coming or you’ve just grown apart? Never the less, being ghosted by your best friend is one hundred times more painful than being ghosted by a f*boy.
Who will you call?
When you break up with a partner, the usual protocol is to invite your best friend over and enjoy a glass of wine, cull the memories you’ve shared together and try to move on. But with a best friend breakup, who do you turn to during this painful time? What do you do with all your memories? Especially if you’ve travelled the world together, or been best friends since you were young.
Being unsure if your mutual friends are still your friends.
Like a romantic break-up, when you break up with your best friend you’re left wondering if your mutual friends will continue to remain your friends, or worse, if they’ll disappear on you like your supposed BFF.
Hearing about their major life events from others.
It’s a strange moment when you find out from others that your ex-BFF has finally landed that promotion, is engaged or is moving across the world. You’re not sure if you should message them to congratulate them (wait, do they even have the same number?) or if you should let things pass and continue your life feeling strangely bitter about the whole situation.
Pretending to not be jealous when you see them with someone new on social media.
Just like how you stalk your ex-partner every now and then (don’t pretend like you don’t), it’s hurtful when you see your ex-bestie hanging out with someone new. However, more often than not they might be trying to move on from your friendship too.
Being unsure if you should acknowledge their family or significant other.
Seeing your ex-BFF’s family or significant other while you’re out and about is always awkward. Like your ex-bestie, you know so much about these people that it’s hard to ignore them. But at the same time, you can never be too sure what your ex-BFF has said to them about you, especially if things ended badly. The best thing to do is to bravely say hi and attempt to not sound hostile when you ask how your ex-bestie is.
Being forced to enjoy your sense of humour on your own because no one gets it but your ex-BFF.
There’s nothing worse than going to tag your ex-bestie in that hilarious meme you found on Facebook, only to realise that you can’t. However, what’s even worse is showing someone else that same meme and then having them pretend-laugh out of pity. You’re left wondering if you’ll ever find someone who understands your sarcastic sense of humour or appreciates weird memes like you do.
Finally accepting the situation and moving on.
Like they say, heart break gets better with time. While it may hurt for a while and you’ll be unsure if you should like their Facebook status and Instagram posts, over time you’ll feel better. You’ll find others who share your sense of humour and cringey music taste. And you’ll look back on your friendship with you ex best friend and rather than feel sad, you’ll be able to smile.