Here are four R’s to help you bring the honeymoon back and keep it alive regardless of how long you have been together.
If you feel bored, unfulfilled or stuck in a rut in your relationship, it is time to reinvent it into how you would like it to be. Avoid dwelling on how bored or unfulfilled you are as this will only add to your unhappiness. Instead, refocus on what you would like. Begin by taking stock of your relationship now and how you want it to be instead. Do this with your partner as you will both play a role in reinventing your relationship.
Ask each other some questions. What do you enjoy, find fulfilling and exciting about your relationship right now? What do you want more of? What would you like less of? What would you like to stop completely? What would you like to start doing? What is missing? How would you like to change it so it is the way you want it to be?
To help you fill the gap/what is missing in your relationship, remember the honeymoon phase. Together with your partner, close your eyes and think back to that period in your relationship now. As you do, what was present in your relationship then that is missing now? For example, fun, laughter, date nights, adventure, weekends away, intimacy or something else?
How often did you experience those activities and feelings during that time? What were you not doing then? For example maybe you were not sitting on the coach every night watching TV. Write down your thoughts and ask your partner to do the same separately. Then compare notes and share your wants with each other.
Sit down with your partner and redesign your relationship so that the honeymoon stays alive. From the above step, agree how you will keep the honeymoon alive – what will you each do and how often from now on? For example, weekend away each quarter. Make a commitment to each other to do that and book it in your diaries/planners now. Then follow through and take action to make it happen. The anticipation of some fun and exciting activities will also fuel the intimacy and love in your relationship.
Agree how often you will reassess your relationship and check in with each other at regular intervals. Check how each of you are doing with feeling the love. Give yourself and each other some feedback:
- What are you/your partner doing well?
- What do you/your partner need to improve to make it even better?
- Overall, how much in love do you each feel in the relationship?
Keep the feedback positive and constructive – this is not a blame game, it is about improvement, growing together and being even happier. Make any adjustments or refinements and reassess again. Keep tweaking until you are both happy and feeling much love. Then agree to maintain the action you agreed with each other to keep the love and honeymoon alive.
Enjoy reinvigorating the love in your relationship and remember anything worth having requires effort.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
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