Is stress, worry or anxiety preventing you from dating again? Are you worried about having another bad dating experience?
Perhaps one of your goals for this year is to be in a fulfilling relationship, which means you may need to start dating and meeting some new people. If you are feeling anxious or worried about your next date, you are probably thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong.
You might be worried that you are too shy, will say the wrong thing, or what if you don’t “click” with the other person and the date is boring...
Anxiety is self-fulfilling
Anxiety is an emotion, and when we feel anxious we are worrying and thinking about what we don’t want and what could go wrong. Have you ever thought about something going wrong on a date, then when it happened you said “I knew it was going to happen”?
It became a self fulfilling prophesy because it has been proven scientifically that your mind is unable to differentiate between what you vividly image and what is real. Therefore, regardless of whether you focus on what you want or what you don’t want to happen on a date, you will make it happen with your thoughts and actions.
Stop pressuring yourself and enjoy your date
Many people put too much pressure on the date – they either put too much pressure on themselves to create a great first impression or too many expectations of their date, and even both.
Take the pressure off and keep the following five tips in mind:
1. Have a clear outcome for your date
Most people go on a date without any idea of what they wish to achieve. It is like when you go shopping and you have no idea what you want; you walk away unhappy.
Think about the following prior to your date: Is it a first date, second or subsequent date? What would you like to achieve on that date? Would you like to better get to know the other person through conversation, or build an emotional connection with them?
By having a clear outcome, you will know the type of conversation to have. Then you can relax and allow yourself to comfortably communicate and enjoy your date.
2. Have a way of knowing that your date was successful
If you are unsure how you will measure the date was successful, then you may have a successful date and not even know it! Instead, think about the following.
How will you know that your date was a success? Will your conversation flow easily? Will you feel a connection? Will you discuss catching up again? Will you receive a compliment? Will you have an enjoyable time or laugh a lot? Or something else?
3. Only focus on one step at a time
Prior to and during your date only think about that date – be fully present and in the moment. Avoid thinking about the next date, moving in together, getting married and having children with this person. If you think too far ahead you will start to change the conversation in this direction, and you could push your date away. Instead, stay in the moment and enjoy the date.
4. Get to know each other
As you are in the moment, get to know each other. Look out for signs of compatibility and connection. Use these signs to help you to know if there is potential there, and if you would like to have another date. Avoid being too hasty because sometimes you need at least two dates before you can determine this. Give yourself and your date a chance.
5. Visualise success
Prior to your date, imagine it being a success and only focus on your outcome. Only think about what you want, and see yourself having a successful date.
Imagine how much you look forward to your next date by focusing on what you want, and how much more you enjoy your date.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com
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