Dating

How to get what you want in the bedroom

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Sex is a beautiful thing and for some, it's naturally explosive and for others the fire takes a little longer to ignite.

We've read a ton of articles with tips and tricks to getting what you want under the covers. The trending thread is they tell us to be better communicators and to own our confidence.

I'm going to get candid and be honest about how tough that actually is. Have you ever just had disappointing sex? One that makes you question your sexual appetite? Have you found yourself reminiscing and comparing that encounter to past lovers? Have you even considered ending the fling or relationship because of how underwhelming it was?

Don’t worry; you're not a bad person. You're a woman with sexual needs who knows what she wants. So let’s talk about how difficult it is to communicate to your new partner that they’re not satisfying your cravings and desires.

I'll paint the picture, you’ve been dating for a little while and things start heating up. You find yourself in his bed, heart racing, body parts throbbing and then what plays out next is awkwardness and lack of chemistry, connection and synergy. Afterwards, you go through the motions and you tell yourself it’s OK, maybe nerves got the better of him, next time will be more exciting and you can work through this.

The following date night rolls around and you've found yourself back in his bed with no improvement. Now you’re wondering how to approach the elephant in the room and have an uncomfortable discussion about the bland and predictable sexual rendezvous.

No matter what you say or how nicely you say it, it will probably bruise his ego. So to avoid hurting him, you convince yourself that ‘it’ will get better with time.

I mean, imagine if you were mid blowjob and he started yawning. Wouldn't that just be the ultimate mood killer? Hell yeah!

Instead of burning the sheets, calling it quits or settling for vanilla sex, maybe it's worth talking about, but it in a less obvious way.

How about giving subtle suggestions? Don’t become a teacher and bluntly bring to light all the things he’s doing wrong. The keyword was ‘subtle’, during sex try whispering in his ear and tell him what you want. Moan a little more when he’s hit the right spot, let him know how much you like it when he does something that turns you on. Maybe he's without rhythm in certain moments so why not suggest slowing down, longer strides or circular motions. Then show him how much you love it by moaning away or screaming YES.

Is his touch too soft? Set the mood by getting a little rougher yourself. Ease into it and watch him copy.

Does he forget to change up positions? That's a tougher one to communicate. But before you two jump under the covers, have a sexy conversation about the different things you'd like to try.

Stroke his ego and tell him you love how he does you on your back. Then suggest that you think it would be hot to try it with your legs this way and the next.

That's the beautiful thing about sex. It takes two to tango and if this guy means something to you, than working through this shows how much you value him and the relationship.

What you like and what he likes can be different. He's not a mind reader, which is why you need to express and show him what your sensual side desires. There are probably even a few things he would like you to change up or try that he hasn't felt comfortable to discuss.

Sex is a beautiful thing and for some, it's naturally explosive and for others the fire takes a little longer to ignite. Don't suppress your sexual appetite. Find your way to communicate because the reward is eye rolling, leg shaking, backbreaking O-moments!