Do you wish you had your partner’s acceptance and approval? No matter what you do, do you feel it is never good enough for your partner?
Are You Judge or Jury?
How do you treat your partner? Do you judge them or condemn them before really understanding their point of view? Or do you accept them unconditionally for who they are? Every one of us has our own values, beliefs and other personality preferences which drive our behaviour. Rather than judging your partner as wrong or right or good or bad, respect that they have different ways of relating to the world. Their view of the world is correct for them as yours is for you.
People are inherently good with good intentions. Sometimes people’s behaviour is inappropriate or ineffective for the success that they seek. So rather than judging your partner as a bad person or a bad partner, look at their behaviour and how it needs to change or improve.
Often we judge ourselves, our partner and others based on our beliefs. For example, if we have a belief that we are not good enough, we will continue comparing and judging ourselves versus others even if our results are far superior to our past performance. It still isn't enough.
Some people need approval and feel that they don’t belong even if they are part of a family, circle of friends, society, community, etc. Because of those beliefs, they compromise themselves to fit in, to get approval and to feel a sense of belonging in any relationship. Therefore, it is important to identify and address any such beliefs and fears so that you can stop judging yourself, your partner and other people.
All Acceptance is Self Acceptance
Before you seek acceptance from your partner, first you need to give yourself permission to accept yourself as you are right now. Until you reach a point where you can look in the mirror and honestly say you really love and fully accept yourself for who you are, you will find it difficult to fully feel acceptance from your partner.
How often do you achieve things only to ignore or skim over them and move on to the next thing? Do you take your successes for granted or take the time to acknowledge and celebrate them?
A very simple way to start learning to accept yourself is to keep a daily success journal, in which you record all your daily successes (both the small and large ones). These successes would include things you physically do and say, any positive thoughts and feelings you have, any action you take on your goals, anything nice that you do for yourself or your partner, anything nice your partner does for you, your positive qualities, etc.
Showing yourself daily gratitude for your successes will encourage your unconscious mind to keep creating even more success in your relationship and life. Remember that success breeds success! So before you judge your partner for what they did or did not do or say, remember to reflect on what they did well. Recognition and gratitude for the good in your partner and yourself will help you to accept yourself, and to feel even more accepted by your partner.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
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