Do you start each year with the best intentions and relationship resolutions, only to find yourself losing momentum and motivation weeks or months later? Many people make New Years’ resolutions - they vow to begin dating, fall in love, put more spark into their current relationship, move in together, get married, start a family, etc. Yet, over 90% of people who make New Years’ resolutions break them only three weeks later.
Keeping a commitment to yourself
When you make a resolution and tell yourself and/or your partner that you will do or change something in your relationship, you are essentially making a commitment to yourself. Yet, year after year many people continue to let themselves down. Why? Because the two essential ingredients for keeping any commitment to yourself are missing.
Firstly, you need to have absolute clarity about what it is that you want in your relationship, combined with absolute certainty that you can achieve it. Secondly, you need to know why you want it - you need to have a compelling purpose for taking action towards it.
Often people commit to things in a relationship because they don’t know what they really want. They feel like they should or have to, maybe because someone tells them to or they feel the need to please other people, rather than because they really want to.
Being clear about exactly what you want is the key to pursuing and creating your heart’s desires in your relationship. A great way to get clarity about what you really want is to brainstorm for ten minutes and write down everything you want to do, feel, have, be, achieve and experience in your relationship and in life with your partner. Avoid editing your words, just write down whatever comes to mind. When asked to do this exercise, highly successful people can write down over 100 things in ten minutes because they know what they really want. See how many things you can write on your list in the next ten minutes.
Then once you have your list, choose one thing you would like to achieve this year in your relationship. This becomes your goal for the year. Next it’s time to get certain about your ability to achieve this.
Unresolved fears, self doubts and limiting beliefs are by far the biggest saboteur to having certainty, being committed to yourself and taking action on your relationship resolutions. Some people fear success, others fear failure, rejection, not being good enough, not deserving/worthy of love, etc. Some people have past anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal, rejection and other emotions which keeps them stuck in the past, and prevents them from moving forward and having the relationship they really want. Instead, address your fears, emotions, self doubts and limiting beliefs so that you free yourself to take action towards what you really want.
The power of purpose
Always have a purpose for taking any action and for doing anything in your relationship. For example, if you want to get into a new relationship, ask yourself questions like:
- For what purpose do I want it?
- How will I feel as I am taking action towards it?
- How will I feel once I achieve it?
- How will I and others benefit when I have it?
Now, write down as many compelling reasons as you can for the relationship goal you chose. The more compelling reasons you have for doing something, the more motivation you have for achieving it.
Begin by getting clear about what you really want in your relationship, develop certainty around that, and have a compelling purpose for achieving it. That way you will find more passion and motivation to achieve your relationship resolutions, and every action you take towards your goals will seem more effortless and enjoyable.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
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