Get in the Flow this Valentine’s Day

Whether you are on a date or spending time with your partner, here is how to get in the flow this Valentine’s Day.

Whether you are on a date or spending time with your partner, here is how to get in the flow this Valentine’s Day.

A Natural Flow

When there is a natural flow between people, they feel totally comfortable expressing their opinions and views with each other, however different those views may be. They freely discuss problems, ideas, solutions and challenges and feel at ease with each other as they do so.

Sometimes partners can get out of this natural flow with each other. This often occurs when too many negative associations or disagreements occur between them over a period of time. Unconsciously, they link negatives to each other, and the flow they once felt is there less often or may even disappear after a while.

Similarly on dates. Awkward silences, uncomfortable glances and gestures, stunted conversations are all examples of not being in the flow on your date.

Instant Rapport

If you feel there is a lack of connection – that the natural flow is missing - between you and your date or partner on Valentine’s Day, it is important to establish that with them prior to your communication with them. When you are in rapport with other people, there is a greater trust and connection between you. Any ideas or suggestions you make (even if they are different to that of your date or partner) will at least be more easily considered when you have rapport with them.

While they may still disagree with you, at least with rapport they will hear you out and consider your perspective, rather than automatically dismiss it or cut you off. With rapport, you will also eliminate those awkward silent moments on your dates, feel more comfortable to express yourself and feel a connection that may otherwise be missing.

Getting into Rapport

There are several different ways to get into rapport with your date or partner. When you are face to face with them the best way to get into rapport is to match or mirror their physiology. When you do this it is important to be subtle so that it remains out of your date’s or partner’s conscious awareness.

Here are two simple ways to get into fast rapport:

1. Match the other person’s breathing: this is the fastest way to establish rapport with another person. Watch and discretely match the location of their breathing (i.e. high chest, mid chest or stomach) and/or the rate of their breathing (i.e. fast, medium or slow); or

2. Match or mirror the other person’s arms or legs: if you date or partner has their arms crossed, you would cross your arms in the same way; if they have their legs crossed, you would cross your legs in the same was as them. Again be subtle when you do this.

Within two minutes of matching or mirroring any of these aspects of the other person’s physiology you will feel a warm feeling of comfort around your stomach area, like an at home feeling with them. When you are feeling comfortable with them, they are also feeling comfortable with you – you are both in rapport with each other.

On your Valentine’s Day date they will then feel more comfortable to open up and share more about themselves and their ideas with you, and will be more receptive to your ideas and learning more about you. Likewise, your partner will be more receptive to any surprises you have for them on Valentine’s Day and the communication between you will flow more naturally.

Notice how with greater rapport your date is more fun and your relationship with your partner becomes even stronger. As a result, your Valentine’s Day will be even more memorable and special. 


Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit

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