You’re sitting in the doctor’s room waiting for your blood test results, sweating at the anticipation. He enters the room, awkwardly says hello and nervously looks at you as he tries to find the words to diagnose you. He begins to babble about how they’ve notice irregularities in your blood count and your eyes are widening, watching each word slowly fall out of his mouth. And then he says it. No you don’t have the clap, it’s something much worse... you’ve caught 'The Feeling'.
What is ‘The Feeling’ you may ask, and is it really that bad? It’s that moment when you start falling for someone and not only do you lose all self-control and ambition, but you get that gooey feeling. You know the one when you know that you’ve done it again and gone completely head over heels.
I wish I could say I was completely joking when I say it’s a bad diagnosis to have but I’m being whole heartedly serious. If you get it, run.
It’s that moment of euphoric gooyness that embodies you. You may not understand it but you walk around feeling unstoppable. You may even get a little confident strut in your walk along with a certain glow. And if you’re getting laid by this person then I’m sorry but this diagnosis is inevitable.
There are different levels of ‘The Feeling’ which you can inhabit. The basic symptoms could surround a song. It might just make you feel euphorically happy, perfectly represent your feelings or embody the sass you need to get through this sickness.
Taylor Swift and Carly Rae Jepsen are perfect examples of ‘The Feeling’ artists, but there’s one song that gets me every time when I’m infected... Fergie’s “Clumsy”. There’s just something about the beat, the lyrics and the seductive vocal delivery that perfectly sums up my persona when this illness takes over my body.
But then you can get a bit more serious. You start stalking his social media accounts, looking at his photos and where he’s been tagged. You may just want to look at his perfect features and day dream about him, or you may be investigating for other reasons.
I’m going to be honest and say I’m guilty of this one. I’ve gone through someone’s Instagram followers to get an idea of who else he was potentially talking to and who he had seen previously that I knew. You can get obsessed doing this, and not in a good way. You find yourself analysing every post and every snapchat he sends you.
[RELATED: 11 thoughts when your dating life is non existent]
I was sort of seeing this guy and things all of a sudden stopped. He was constantly “busy” with work or Uni and I was just looking for a reason why. I had this weird gut instinct. I was friends with his ex on Facebook and they both started conveniently posting a lot of photos in the same spot. Now this is someone he spoke quite badly about and said broke his heart so it was ironic that he was posting all these pics. And then the pictures turned into heaps of comments on each other’s statuses and then eventually into tagged posts. Did I enjoy who I became? Not at all.
The last stage is the repeat victims. These are the people who get a thrill out of getting 'The Feeling' and will constantly go on dates and lead guys on to constantly experience this euphoric natural high.
But this is where the stage 12 clingers start to develop. Even though they are actively searching for love, they start to believe it’s all natural. Then they start becoming obsessed, clingy and no one wants that. I was seeing this guy and he confessed his love for me a week into seeing each other, because it was “fate that we met” and I made him feel “special”. When in fact he was a serial Tinder swiper and he jumped head over heels for someone else less than a week after I called things off. This is all because he was too vulnerable to ‘The Feeling'.
‘The Feeling’ is fun to have and can become addictive. But the problem people have is that they forget everything else around them and become blind sighted by the person they’re seeing. So when it’s all over and he moves on you don't know what to do as you’ve been played. Your friends don't want to hear about it cause they warned you and it becomes a cycle that you need to break out of.
So I’m going to leave you with some 'Feeling Condoms' to keep you protected.
1. Always stay alert, know when a guy is actually interested so you don’t catch the feelings too early and become a repeat victim.
2. Have good taste in music so your go to ‘The Feeling’ song is actually enjoyable and keeps you sane if you do become a repeat victim.
3. Invest in the unfollow social media app so if you do become a clinger then you don't have to social media stalk so intensely and it makes you less crazy. Only a tiny bit.
Words: Thomas Bleach