Boost your confidence for dating success this Valentine's Day

Couple kissing on Valentine's day

Are you tired of being alone on Valentine’s Day? Is shyness stopping you from meeting new people, going on dates or having a successful relationship?

Shyness vs Confidence

Shyness is a state of being reserved, bashful, timid or withdrawn from participating in life. People who are shy find it challenging to strike up a conversation and feel less comfortable around people. In contrast, confidence is a positive emotion that reflects your level of self-belief. The greater your belief in yourself, the greater your level of self-esteem and confidence. With confidence we feel more comfortable to meet new people, go on dates and to speak our minds in a relationship.

Here are two ways to overcome shyness and low self-esteem, and to boost your confidence:

Stop sabotaging yourself

Girl with flowers on Valentine's day

Any time you undermine yourself and your success, or you hinder, prevent, or undo your work, you are sabotaging yourself either consciously or subconsciously. A common way that people sabotage their dates and relationships is with their self communication. The first step to understanding whether you are tainting your dates and relationships is to become aware of what you are saying. Positive self-talk encourages strong levels of confidence, while negative self-talk sabotages our confidence.

Take a moment to think about the last few dates or times you were with your partner. What did you say to yourself as you thought about going on a date, during your date, or when spending time with your partner? Were you encouraging of yourself (e.g. I look great in this dress) or were you putting yourself down (e.g. I hope I don’t say something embarrassing).

Write down everything that comes to mind. Then look at this list. Any negative self-talk reflects beliefs which will limit us (e.g. I am not good enough/perfect, I don’t deserve a great relationship, etc). This is also what causes us to have self-doubts, insecurities and low self-esteem. When you remove limiting beliefs at the subconscious level this permanently turns negative self talk into a positive, which boosts your confidence and self-esteem. In the meantime, be aware of your self-talk and consciously turn any negativity into a positive.

Regain lost confidence

Couple piggy backing on Valentine's day

Most people have had confidence at one time or another, then lost it. For example, we may have had a number of awkward dates or a series of relationship break-ups or rejections. We could have taken these experiences too personally, which then affected us. Even models, actors and celebrities lose confidence from time to time. The key is to know how to bounce back from these experiences and to regain what you lost.

Most people feel more confident in some areas than others. Think about past or recent situations where you have felt strong levels of confidence. Perhaps you felt most assured when you had success at work, playing sport, were with close friends or when you are talking about a familiar topic.

The good news is that if you have ever felt confident in any prior situation, you can feel it again. All you need to do is to recall that situation when you wish to feel confident again. To feel that boost on your next date or the next time you are with your partner, simply reflect on a time that you felt emporwered. Then as you remember that moment while with your date or partner, you will start to feel the confidence moving in again.

Enjoy using the above tips to boost your confidence and self-esteem this Valentine’s Day and watch your relationship blossom.


Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit

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