8 Things women secretly hate about sex

If you push our heads down towards your crotch, don't hold us accountable if we bite your manhood.

There are many things women hate about having sex. Like gross bodily fluids all over your clean sheets and smudged makeup. But you know whats even worse than that? Being jack hammered away at for approximately five minutes before they just stop, roll over and you didn't even get to 'get there'.

Here are eight things women hate about sex.

1. Going at it like a jack rabbit


What are you trying to do down there buddy, drill for oil? Mine for gold? Just a little tip for any dudes reading this - jack hammering away inside your lady is NOT enjoyable.

2. Pushing the back of our heads


There's no faster way to get us to bite off your manhood than by pushing our heads down towards your crotch. If you don't like the favours we're so generously handing out, then just nicely tell us what feels good for you or simply do it yourself. There's nothing more degrading than trying to control a woman when she's clearly in charge.

3. Rushing the foreplay


I think I speak on behalf of all women when I say that we need a pretty decent amount of warm up time before the main event. Ten seconds of kissing just doesn't cut it buddy.

4. Complaining about condoms


Just a heads up (literally, hahah) condoms don't feel great for us either, mmk? But you know whats even worse than having to wear a condom? An unplanned and very much unwanted pregnancy. Or a disease. Gross.

5. Releasing your entire body weight on us


Look, I know that being on top can be exhausting but when you rest your entire body weight on us, you're actually crushing us with all your whale humping.

6. Asking if we've 'gotten there' after approximately 5 seconds


*facepalm* Nope. You're going to have to try a little bit harder than that.

7. When they just...stop


Ummm, what? Excuse me? Did you hear me come?

8. Pulling a fast one on us


Hmmm, how do we put this one eloquently? Just like we had to consent for you to put your manhood in our main hole, you're going to have to get the "okay" before you can put it in the back one too. What, did you think you could just stick it in there and I wouldn't notice? 


Emma is just your average book loving, tea drinking, story writing, narcissistic millennial on an eternal quest for the perfect t-shirt. Ever since she picked up her first copy of Dolly when she was twelve, she always knew she wanted to work in magazines. She would describe herself as a bit of a hopeless romantic with an obsession for true crime and horror and a love for red wine, whiskey or a stiff gin and tonic. When she's not binge watching Netflix or buying things she can't afford online, she spends her weekends trawling through bookstores and eating her way through Brisbane.