1. Men are obsessed with porn
Men are generally more responsive to visual sexual stimuli, and when you press ‘play’, you’re allowing your imagination to take a break and let the camera man do the work. But this doesn't mean every man has to watch porn to feel sexually aroused, and nor does it mean that every man would rather be watching porn than being intimate with a partner.
If his porn usage isn’t compulsive, and it doesn’t impact on the time you spend together or your sex life, then try not to worry – a six-minute scene isn’t going to replace a happy relationship.
If you feel insecure or excluded by your partner’s porn use, then you could try talking about it, or even including erotica in your foreplay. Being open about your fantasies can be fun and lead to more effective communication in general. There are sites specifically aimed at women, as well as pornographers who aim to create more ‘ethical’ porn.
2. If he enjoys anal stimulation, he must be gay
While it’s not outside the realms of possibility that he’s fantasised about guy on guy sex before, an interest in anal stimulation alone does not make him gay. The area has a high concentration of nerve endings, and if you’ve had a little backdoor action yourself you’ll know how good it can feel. Guess what – it can be just as much of a turn on for him.
Just because gay sex can often centre around the anus, doesn’t mean anal play shouldn’t be explored if you’re heterosexual – in fact, it can have pretty explosive results, especially if it involves massaging the prostate.
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3. Men want sex all the time
Unfortunately, many of us have grown up believing that men possess insatiable sexual urges and appetites. The theory that they think about sex every seven seconds is not only outdated and inaccurate, it also perpetuates the problem, making men feel under pressure to initiate sex when they’d rather not. In reality, the reason for turning down someone’s advances can be as simple as not being in the mood.
The truth is, some men have a high sex drive, some men are happy with less sex, and some don’t crave it at all.
4. If he can’t get an erection, he doesn’t fancy you
Contrary to what we were told as teenagers, a man’s penis really doesn’t have a mind of it’s own. Just like women, men are sensitive and responsive to what’s happening around them, and their ability to get (and stay) hard can be affected by all kinds of things. Stress, alcohol, exhaustion, certain types of medication and performance anxiety can all play a role.
If it’s the first (or second, or third) time you’re fooling around, it might be that nerves are getting the better of him. Slow things down, spend a little more time on foreplay and you’ll probably find that he relaxes and rises to the occasion.
Because of the role men are traditionally expected to occupy in society, not getting an erection can lead to feelings of shame and embarrassment. Be kind to your partner, and make it obvious that they can discuss any anxieties with you. Safety and trust are key to a happy sexual relationship, after all.
5. Men are not naturally monogamous, but women are
Well, the jury is out here. While some would argue that the human species is naturally polyamorous, most human beings are born with the ability to reason and rationalise, and the ability to choose the type of relationship that’s right for them.
Plenty of people of both sexes find happiness and fulfilment in committed monogamous relationships, and more people are considering, talking about and enjoying consensual, non-monogamous relationships, too.
6. Men need an erection to enjoy sex
Penetrative sex is just one of the many things you can do with your partner, and foreplay needn’t always lead to penetration, or ejaculation for that matter.
So much emphasis is placed on the hard penis as an indicator of arousal that other signs are too often undervalued. A man can feel hugely turned on while they’re giving pleasure, but not be hard at the time. Not only that, a man can have an orgasm with a penis that isn’t fully erect, too.
7. Men who use sex toys don’t want relationships
If a man uses a lifelike sex toy to masturbate, it’s probably for the same reason that you might prefer a dildo with realistic details to one without – for some people it’s just a little upgrade for their solo experience.
It’s highly unlikely that you’ll find yourself replaced by something with no independent thoughts or feelings, so try not to feel intimidated. If you do feel uneasy, you could ask him to show you his toy, or shop for one together and even incorporate it into your foreplay.