Which of these 7 sins are you committing that are keeping you in a singles rut?
Sin #1: Perfection
You expect perfection from yourself and your future partner. You wait for everything to be perfect before you socialise – the right day/time/place/friends to go with/how you feel, etc. – everything needs to be perfect. Yet it never can be because you tell yourself you are never enough, don’t look good enough, not smart enough, not deserving of a relationship, etc. As you stay in and watch romantic comedies, you daydream of the perfect man rather than go out and socialise.
Sin #2: Comfort
You have been single for a while now and you are used to your own company, you are independent and have developed a life to support your independence. You are in your comfort zone – it is what you are used to, to step out of it can be daunting or uncertain. You are used to staying in and going out has become the unknown. The unknown is uncomfortable, so you stay where you are comfortable.
Sin #3: Worry
You worry about how you will look in that dress, what people will think, will strangers judge you, reject you or accept you? As the social event nears, worry kicks in as you play out the worst case scenarios in your head e.g. what if I say the wrong thing, what if I trip in my heels, what if I spill my drink, what if they don’t like me, what if I am left standing alone, what if I embarrass myself, etc. You overthink the whole scenario and talk yourself out of going out.
Sin #4: Betrayal
You feel betrayed and hurt by past relationship break ups. The mention of your ex’s has you crying at a drop of a hat and feeling hurt and rejected. You think about meeting new people and how they too will betray and hurt you. Your trust in people is affected by your past hurts so it is safer to not go out and meet new people. It is safer to stay in to avoid being hurt.
Sin #5: Busyness
You keep yourself so busy with going to the gym, looking after your pets and loved ones, immersing yourself in your career, travel, hobbies, etc. Your life is far too busy to fit in socialising and meeting new people. Deep down you know that this busyness is a good way to avoid doing what you really wish you could do – go out and socialise and meet someone special.
Sin #6: Bystander
You watch life pass you by or even live your life and relationships vicariously through other people’s relationships instead of your own. Instead of fully participating in life and socialising to meet new people, you are a bystander. Fear sabotages your confidence to go out and meet new people, and causes you to be a bystander - observing everyone else and wishing you could have the relationship others have.
Sin #7: Fear
This is a big one and comes in many forms – fear of being alone, fear of commitment, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of being hurt, etc. These fears keep you stuck and prevent you from moving forward. The more you stay in and not take action to meet new people, the more this confirms your fears – they become self-fulfilling.
It’s time to commit ladies – commit to yourself and what you really want in a relationship. Then forgive your sins above and go out to meet the love of your life.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.
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