6 Steps to getting what you want in the bedroom


Effectively initiating romance, doing things differently and communicating your desires all requires self-assurance. Here is how...

Have clarity

Confidently asking for what you want begins with your clarity. If you are unsure about what you like, it makes it harder to ask for what you want and for your partner to meet your desires.

Give thanks

If you ignore your partner’s good deeds he may stop fulfilling your desires. When your significant other gives you what you like, acknowledge it to encourage him to give you more of what you like. Showing gratitude will also strengthen your self-assurance.

Be generous

Make sure you understand your lover’s desires and reciprocate. When you give generously and without resentment or expectation, he will be more willing to meet your needs in return. Those that give, gain satisfaction and more.

Ditch the rut

Get out of a rut and build your esteem by doing different things and spicing things up. Get inspiration from movies, books, music, fashion, scents, your lover’s comments and reactions, and your imagination. Arrange an unexpected surprise that you will both enjoy.

Be a go getter

Instead of waiting for your significant other to initiate romance, be spontaneous. Surprise him by occasionally taking the lead and turning up the heat. A cheeky kiss, subtle touch, intimate hug, flirty look or seductive smile will send the right signals.

The right mindset

Put yourself in a positive frame of mind by thinking about a time in the past when you felt incredible within yourself (eg. in your career, on holidays, etc). Then you will feel the confidence you felt at the time, and be in the right mindset to also ask your partner for what you want.


Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit

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