No matter how strong, fierce and independent you are, nothing cuts deeper than seeing the one you care about swooning over someone who in your mind does not deserve his affection or attention.
Falling in love, being emotionally vulnerable and letting down your walls so he could touch the real you takes guts. Obviously, after he has probed and imprinted your heart in ways you never thought were possible, it comes as no surprise how broken that can leave you.
So the feelings are still there, your eyes literally light up when you see him, but that's quickly covered by a cloud of insecurity which is provoked by a million and one questions by your subconscious.
Is he looking at me? Does he remember what we were like? Can he feel what I'm feeling?
Then the next wave of emotions hit and you remember all the reasons why you exited the unhealthy relationship.
So all of that seems normal when having to deal with an aching heart. But the part that kills is when that insecurity is turned into a flaming fire of jealously because he has a new woman to entertain him and his needs.
Right now, all you're doing is sorting out your feelings and trying to get into the right headspace. But then your hit with the news that he has a new boo thang that he's spooning every night. Assuming that he is still in your circle of friends, how are you meant to survive when you see his hand is gripping her thigh? Or when he whispers in her ear and she starts to giggle and you feel like vomiting? Are you supposed to be okay with this? Is it even possible to be civil in those overwhelmingly, complicated moments?
So it's in that exact second, reality hits and you start to crumble beyond belief. All of a sudden you realise you are still in love with him and now you can't have what you desperately want.
So here's 4 things every woman thinks when they see their ex with her.
She's the road block to the one you can't get over
Immediately you start sizing her up and comparing yourself to her. Surely, she can't be giving him what you gave or fulfilling him the way you did. Oh, of course they're in the honeymoon stage right now, but what happens when sh*t gets real. Either way, he's blinded by his new love and that's the road block. Because of her, he can't see you.
Is something wrong with me?
Why is this hurting a lot more than I thought it would? Though you may feel like you are alone on the single island, your new happiness won't be far away. Sometimes it is about exploring to see what's installed for you and your heart.
Do I want the past back?
Just because you're reminiscing on the past and those warm fuzzy feelings fill your stomach, does not mean that you suddenly want the past back. Maybe your questioning your decision and self-loathing seeps in, but seriously, calm down, you're allowed to be human.
How will I forget about you?
You make these promises to yourself: "I will not stalk your Facebook profile. I will fight the urge to text you. I will not get drunk and ruin my night by crying over you. I will throw out that necklace you gave me. I will never listen to our song again and I refuse to eat at our favourite restaurant."
But instead of being so tough on your heart, just be you! Enjoy who you are. The pain means you're alive. Heart breaks are part of the journey and in the meantime, keep working on doing fine without him.
You never know, you might find your new lover soon enough and he might be the one reading this ... Oh, now that's ironic.