Dating

11 thoughts when your dating life is non existent

Written by Jessica Lunan

Forget Netflix and chill, we're all about Netflix and crying-into-a-tub-of-ice-cream.

So here’s the situation. You’ve finally come to terms with being ghosted on Tinder, and you’ve had a full on recovery session with your girlfriends to get over your f*boy blues. You’re ashamed to admit it, but you don’t want to get back into the online dating world and you’re pining for a little bit of god old fashion boy meets girl IRL scenario and they live happily ever after (hey, a girl can dream).

Yet the reality is that while your Mr Right is out there somewhere, in today’s weird modern age dating situation you’re more than likely to meet him while swiping away on a dating app.

Here’s the thoughts and feelings every woman has when they haven’t gone on a date in ages.


1. Relief

You could literally think of nothing worse than going on a first date. The shaving, fake tanning, the stress of choosing what to wear and brainstorming conversation starters in case things get hella awkward is just too much. It’s just far easier watching Netflix with a tub of ice cream. Who needs social interaction anyway?

2. Doubt

But wouldn’t it be nice to watch Netflix with someone else? When things get creepy in Stranger Things you can’t deny that you wish there was someone there to protect you from sci-fi monsters (they exist, ok).

3. Realisation

Maybe going on a date wouldn’t be so bad. Having someone to stay up late texting with, or to send you good morning messages is always nice and appreciated.

4. Where they at?

But where are the nice guys at? Why is it that the ‘fice’ guys are always attracted to you?

Forget Netflix and chill, we're all about Netflix and crying-into-a-tub-of-ice-cream.

5. Real talk

But how do people even meet nice guys? Do nice guys even exist? Maybe your soul mate is actually Liam Hemsworth and he’s just busy being a celebrity and working out his situation with Miley.

6. Desperate measures

You’ve heard of all the old wives tales of sending out positive vibes into the universe to attract your dream man. Maybe if you light 2 red candles at 7pm every night, only sleep on one side of your bed (no star fishing, ok) and forget even having your bed pushed up against a wall even in your tiny room. Don’t forget to adorn your room in rose quartz crystals. Following these steps will apparently help the universe bring you your dream man. Superstitious? No way!

7. A crazy diet and exercise routine is not the answer

You begin to ponder whether maybe your incredible personality and hilarious sense of humour might not be enough to catch your dream boat. You begin to wonder whether you should maybe swap that tub of ice cream for carrot sticks and pick up a physical activity (unfortunately lifting the spoon to your mouth isn’t the answer). After all, they say if you’re working to find your own happiness the right man will come into your life.

The truth is, you don’t have to change anything about yourself to find love.

Forget Netflix and chill, we're all about Netflix and crying-into-a-tub-of-ice-cream.

8. No thanks

You’ll try to ignore the countless happy couples around you, and ignore when your mum insists that you try giving Tinder another go (while you try not to cringe that your mum even knows what Tinder is, let alone knowing that your forever single).

9. Strong, independent single woman

Relationships are overrated anyway. As a single lady, you can give the most important person in your life (YOU!) your undivided attention. You can hang out with who you want, drink as much wine with your girlfriends as you please and continue to live your #GIRLBOSS life to it’s full, extraordinary potential.

10. The Grinch of relationships

Yet whenever you see any sort of PDA, romantic comedies or #CoupleGoals memes there’s an incredible rage inside of you which even scares yourself. Let’s not even talk about how you’re secretly happy whenever a celebrity couple breaks up. Yep, you’re officially the Grinch of relationships.

11. Forever alone

You’ll wonder if now is the time to get 1000 cats (or puppies) and live up to every #SadSingleGirl cliché that you know.