10 Things that happen when you're single AF for ages

Amy Schumer is single

Being single for an extended period of time is like, well being on a rollercoaster. One moment you are on top of the world with your #idontneednoman attitude, excited about what your future holds, and before you know it you walk past a couple staring lovingly into each other’s eyes and that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach hits.

Fortunately, we live in a society where being single is okay.

It is fine to be in a relationship with yourself, to be independent and focussing on your career and happiness. But while you might not be judged simply for being single, riding solo for a lengthy period of time means you form unusual habits that people in relationships just don’t get it!

The following are 10 unusual habits that form when you have been single AF for way too long!

1. You are so used to having everything your own way when your friends in relationships say they have to run it by their significant others you are genuinely baffled. #youdoyou

Not lonely quote

2. When you have no partner to share food portions with, you form a habit of eating all the food... even when the packaging says ‘portion size: serves 3’. 

Selena Gomez eating a huge sub

This also applies to wine; one bottle of wine, one of you... do the math.

Kerri Washington says quote on drinking a whole bottle of wine

3. An influx of spare time means you take up non-traditional habits... like learning to rap every word to 90s Destiny’s Child songs.

Stanford from Sex and the City quote

4. Underwear becomes strategic dressing. Comfy undies are worn Monday to Friday and matching lacy sets are reserved for weekends and dates ONLY.

Beyonce twerking

5. Following on from #4, there’s also nothing more disappointing than going home alone after a date and your sexy lingerie didn’t see any action ... what a waste!

6. You obsess and fantasise over every attractive person you see. Like, we ONLY want to be surrounded by hot people – is that really too much to ask for?

A girl surrounded by boys

7. You sleep in unusual positions. You like to sleep in a star fish position across the entire bed and couldn’t imagine changing that without serious implications to your sleeping habits.

8. When you go without a date for a few months you tend to let yourself go... in other words, you grow your body hair for obscene amounts of time. When a promising date finally does come up, it takes a lot more work to prepare. Let’s just say the maintenance level is real!

Jennifer Lawrence says 'my body is ready'

9. They might be your ‘girls’ but it is inevitable, your friends in relationships will look down on you for your single ways. You will be chastened for the walk of shame (on a side note, we think it needs to rephrased to ‘the walk of I made him my b*tch!’).

Girl says 'walk of awesome' quote

10. ‘Treat yo self’ becomes a daily affirmation.

Words: Frances van Eeden