Beauty

Like a virgin: your first Brazilian wax thoughts

Written by Jessica Lunan

It’s one of those evil necessities that every woman experiences at least once in their life. This strange beauty regime (or should we say torture procedure?) has somehow become one of key ways for us women to tame our body hair.

Here are the thoughts you have when you get your first Brazilian wax.


Here are the thoughts you have when you get your first Brazilian wax.

1. Everyone gets a Brazilian so it couldn’t be that bad... could it? *gulp*.

2. I mean it’ll just be like getting my brows done... even though my eyes always end up watering but it’s not like I’m crying... ok I might be crying.

3. OK, don't cry (makes promise to self).

4. Oh no, what underwear do I have on again? Washing day was last week... please don’t be those old granny knickers!

5. *Subtly checks* OK phew, the underwear situation is fine.

6. Oh no what if it doesn't smell like a bed of roses?!

7. No one has complained before....

8. Were they just being polite? *starts panicking*

9. Ohhh noooo.

10. But wait she does this all of the time and it’s not like she’ll be sniffing around there? Keep it professional, it’s fine.

11. I wonder how much it’s going to hurt.

12. Now I’m sooo nervous. I think I need to go to the bathroom.

13. I wonder if everyone else in this waiting room are getting Brazilians too?

14. Oh no, the receptionist is calling my name.

15. Maybe I can just pretend it’s not me?

16. Don’t be silly you told her your name when you arrived.

17. Ugh, time to face the pain.

18. I feel like I’m going into battle or something.

19. Battle of the Brazilians.

20. She seems really nice and this music is so calming.

21. Stop blushing, she does this all of the time.

22. Oh no the crinkly paper... always awkward.

23. She wants me to do what?

24. Butterfly my legs?

25. I can hardly keep that pose in yoga class?

26. Ok, she’s seeing everything now.

27. Deep breaths, if all goes wrong you’ll never have to see her again.

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28. Who convinced me to do this again?

29. She is really mixing that pot of wax.

30. Now she’s asking me how my weekend was... how is she so calm?!

31. My heart is beating SO loud... can she hear it?

32. Is it weird if I close my eyes?

33. Ooo the warm wax actually feels nice.

34. Ok it’s on now there’s no going back but ripping it off.

35. Ok breathe breathe breathe breathe.

36. I can do this.

37. I’m sure childbirth would be way more painful. This is nothing...

38. Just do it!

39. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

40. WHY AM I TORTURING MYSELF.

41. Did she take off some skin? I’m sure I’m missing skin!

42. She’s still going.

43. OK she’s getting verrrrrry close to... I'm not sure if I've even gone there.

44. The anticipation!

Here are the thoughts you have when you get your first Brazilian wax.

45. Am I holding my breath?!

46. I am definitely holding my breath.

47. She’s still talking, can’t she see how much pain I’m in?

48. This has to be almost over by now?

49. Did I just make that noise in my head or out loud?

50. I think I just made it out loud!

51. OMG cringe.

52. How do people do this all the time?

53. Ow ow ow ow.

54. She seems to be stopping now?

55. Wait she’s wanting me to lift my knees up?

56. She wants to wax my butt?!

57. Do I have to?

58. It’s normal?

59. Why?

60. Ugh, ok she might as well see my whole nether regions.

61. Ok I’m definitely never ever doing this again!

62. OW.

63. It’s over!

64. I can breathe.

65. Is it weird that I feel like I need to give her a hug? Like I feel we went through something major together.

66. Oh, nope she’s still talking about her boyfriend.

67. OMG so smooth.

68. Wow this feels incredible.

69. So smooooooth.

70. I feel amazing.

71. I look amazing!

72. This was so worth it.

73. Pain, schmain.

74. She’s asking if I want to book my next appointment?

75. Yes please!

Here are the thoughts you have when you get your first Brazilian wax.