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Tips on how to communicate in your relationship when your partner's views are less positive than yours. 

Tips on how to communicate in your relationship when your partner's views are less positive than yours.

Does your partner always look for problems and what could go wrong? Is your spirit being quashed by your partners’ negativity? Are your ideas shot down before you have a chance to even explain them?


Problems and Solutions

Some people have a natural ability to find a solution to any challenge or problem, while others automatically see the downside to things. The solution focused partner may be perceived as too much of an optimist and seeing the world through rose coloured glasses. Meanwhile, the problem focused partner may be perceived as being too negative or pessimistic and such a killjoy. It is simply a matter of how different people view the world and how our brain is wired. Rather than seeing the opposite style to yours as good or bad, see it as different. Instead of being frustrated, learn how to work with the different views to better engage your partner in your ideas and communication.

Generating Solutions

Partners who are naturally solution focused respond well to and are motivated by:

  • Goals to pursue.
  • What could go right.
  • Solutions and positive outcomes to strive for.

Their preference for solutions will be reflected in their communication. For example, they will say things like:

  • I want to go on a holiday to have fun and relax.
  • Let’s discuss how we can get our dream home in the next year.
  • How can we find a solution when renovating this room?

Phrases you can use to motivate them include:

  • Here are the goals we want to achieve eg. in this relationship.
  • These are the benefits we stand to gain eg. from making this decision.
  • It is important to focus on the solution eg. to this challenge.

Tips on how to communicate in your relationship when your partner's views are less positive than yours.

Considering Consequences

Partners who are naturally problem focused respond well to and are motivated by:

  • Problems to avoid.
  • What could go wrong.
  • Risks and consequences to consider and avoid.

Their preference for avoiding problems will be reflected in their communication. For example, they will say things like:

  • I want to go on a holiday to get away from the stress at work.
  • We better be careful of spending too much because we don’t want to get into trouble financially.
  • Renovating is too much trouble and too many things can go wrong.

Phrases you can use to motivate them include:

  • We need to consider what could go wrong eg. before taking the next step.
  • We don’t want to encounter any problems eg. on our holiday.
  • Let’s consider the consequences of going ahead eg. before we make this decision.

Beware the comfort zone

You have your own natural preference in how you are motivated and in communicating with people, including your partner. Beware of staying in your comfort zone and only using your natural preference in communicating with your partner if your partner’s preference is different to yours. This is a sure fire way to demotivate your partner, which can result in disagreements and arguments. This is a common challenge I come across when working with couples to improve their relationships.

Instead, carefully listen and pay attention to the words your partner uses. Are they mainly solution or problem focused? Then be flexible and adapt to their style by using the appropriate phrases above when communicating with your partner. Then notice the greater understanding, harmony and fulfillment this leads to in your relationship.


Vesna01

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt. She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience. She is passionate about helping people to improve their relationships and confidence. Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities. For more free resources on improving your relationships, please visit www.qttransformation.com.

Ó Qt, 2000 – 2016. All Rights Reserved.

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